HOW TO fill half an hour of early evening Channel 4 telly quickly and cheaply.
ACE TEATIME CBBC fare documenting the exploits of one Brian Arthur Derek Boyes.
ANOTHER OF those cartoon double-bill "sandwiches" that spread like, indeed, nits during the 1970s.
13 EPISODES of sepia soft toy sophistry
CAPRICIOUS CAPERS from HELEN "LIZZIE DRIPPING" CRESWELL concerning a family of middle class loons with a penchant for weirdness, paranormal events and...
ARNIE WIGGINS and a bunch of his urchin mates, soot of cheek and fleet of foot, are taken into the employ of...
RUDIMENTARY ASSEMBLY of dull black and white line drawings
THE OLD PETER SELLERS monologue about "glorious Bal-ham"
CZECHOSLOVAKIAN CARTOON about a small, bearded scientist
GEORGE "HANNIBAL" PEPPARD strolls around Boston
RETINA-INFURIATING Hanna-Barbera live-action mayhem of hazily-yet-vividly-recollected infamy
THE GOODIES decide to regroup after numerous solo efforts to "recreate the magic".
SHIT CARTOON of Scandinavian origin
KING OF some African republic or other
CAKE-resembling stop-motion ursine of Gallic extraction with pedantic nomenclatural obsession.
ROLLICKING ANTIQUE-THEMED spy excursionism
BAFFLING KIDS DRAMA about a public schoolboy (just for a change)
SIR FRED HARRIS makes his first proper appearance
UPPER CLASS FOX with a human voice insults well-known BBC face...
TATTY-LOOKING CARTOON Batman spoofola
"IN TONIGHT'S CAPE-TIVATING EPISODE..."
IN SOME vague future, Earth was defended from aliens by a kerazee team of helmet-and-cape sporting animated types calling themselves G-Force.
GOD TOOK a back seat for this Star Wars re-hash
An eccentric character (possibly a pedlar of sorts) on a bike travels around some unspecified countryside
HERE WAS a prime cut of your actual Public Service Broadcasting with a capital "p", illuminated in red with a filigreed gold...
SKIVVY CANADIAN live action "drama"
TWO "FREELANCE investigators" arse about down Mexico way pre-WWI
NIGEL "KINVIG" KNEALE takes responsibility for these plays about various animal/human horror confrontations.
FROM THE DESK OF DOIG.
AHH, THE EARLY NINETIES.
PREPOSTEROUS POPPERMOST Yank animated antics
QUEASY VICTORIAN anthropomorbidity-fest
BLATANT NUDGE-NUDGE TITLE belied boring content
DEFTLY SURFING the wave of post-Falklands yomp-inspired rejoicing
LYNDA BELLINGHAM'S other half from Second Thoughts and Robbie Coltrane's other half from Cracker meet in the staff room of a Leeds...
SPEECH-IMPAIRED HUNT supporter's follow-up to the hugely successful BOTANIC MAN and UP A GUMTREE
This time he'd given up on kids with half a brain (we'd rumbled him!) and made do talking down to toddlers.
ORIGINAL LIVE ACTION version of this Alpen-yawn business saw eight-year-old Seb tame mysterious beast of the mountains
ONE OF HANNA-BARBERA's rare live action adventures, concerning a mutt, a kooky flying disc-shaped robot "guardian" of the Black Hole school of...
MORE FAMOUS than the Queen in the US.
NEVER-ENDING BUBBLE floated off from SOAP
THROUGH THE CLOUDS, a shape appears.
POST-BUST UP WITH MIKE canine-accursed affair
SHOPFLOOR STOP MOTION SHENANIGANS
EL NAFFO comedy-drama for Saturday teatime
SPRAWLING, MULTI-COLOURED, nose-twitching, mouth-wrinkling sorcerama.
BRYNNERCENTRIC FILM of mad robots in amusement park span off the road
SESAME STREET-STYLE affair
BLUDGEONING BASTARD gangland bastard business