IN SOME vague future, Earth was defended from aliens by a kerazee team of helmet-and-cape sporting animated types calling themselves G-Force. In full: bland leader Mark, love interest Princess, shady Avonesque Jason, ironically-named Tiny (he was fat!) and “delightfully politically incorrect” chinless stuttering kid, Keyop. Floaty, be-caped control robot computer (at “Centre Neptune”) was called 7 Zark 7 for no reason, and there was also an R2D2 comic relief robot dog, 1 Rover 1. The ship was the Phoenix, which could “transmute!” into a…spaceship on fire. What use this was was anyone’s guess, but such is the way of this sort of caper. The aliens were headed by pointy-helmeted (and slightly camp) Zoltar, who in turn reported to a weird floating blue blob known only as “O, Luminous one”. Needless to say, well-nigh impenetrable to the casual viewer. The show was actually a heavily edited and sanitised version of “Science Ninja Gatchaman”, one of the first adult orientated Japanese cartoons. Zoltar was actually a hermademphorite who kept on changing sex, explained in the kiddie edit by pretending Zoltar’s female body was his “sister”. Also, Jason swore a lot and punched everybody, including Princess – gasp! The last few episodes were never translated as they were too violent and miserable (ie, good): Jason got a bad brain injury, started losing control of his body, was captured by Zoltar and shot in the head many times with a machine gun. Zoltar then got depressed and commited suicide, by hurling his/herself into a pit of lava when the rest of the team confonted him (“Die,everybody! DIE!”) Also 7-Zark-7 wasn’t in the original, he was animated by the company who dubbed it and slipped in at bits of the show for sappy moral puke.