UP IN the first 11 of ITV’s all-time ITV-esque sitcoms. For which read: 1) two studio sets 2) two squabbling protagonists 3) interfering relatives 4) one-upmanship 5) it ran for bloody ages 6) every episode had the same plot and 7) it had a fantastic parping theme tune. WINDSOR DAVIES (Oliver Smallbridge) and DONALD SINDEN (Simon Peel) were your maestros of mithering, jousting for business as next-door neighbour antique salesman and raging lotharios. Both are divorced/widowed; both have one offspring who, inevitably (in the very first episode!) fall in love and want to get married. But east is east and west is west and there are 67 episodes to be eeked out of the same premise, hence the roaring, blasted red faces and all round mayhem – with priceless heirlooms thrown in for good measure – had to go on. And probably would have gone on forever had Thames not lost its licence. Oh, and HONOR BLACKMAN was the posh bit of stuff both our heroes oogled when not oogling Queen Anne’s drawers.