TV Cream

TV: R is for...

River, The

BLIMEY. ABSOLUTE premier division fuck-wittery chronicling life in make believe rural fleapit Chumley-on-the-Water and starring a permanently winded DAVID ESSEX as lairy lock-keeper Davey Jackson. Here was a frightening glimpse into the wanky future worlds so beloved of RICHARD “TWAT” CURTIS, peopled by tanked landlords, raging crones, naive waifs and lecherous sloanes. You watched, but only cos you were waiting to see Dave fall in.



  1. Tom Ronson

    March 31, 2022 at 3:06 am

    I saw David Essex in pantomime with The Grumbleweeds a few years ago. How’s that for a TV Cream double whammy to die for! (It wasn’t great, but they gave it their best shot.)

  2. Richardpd

    August 27, 2023 at 5:46 pm

    This had the odd funny moment but the BBC Light Entertainment must have been struggling to fill the schedules the day the pilot script arrived.

  3. Sidney Balmoral James

    August 28, 2023 at 8:51 pm

    An unusually varied career has David Essex: pop star, films, musicals (including Evita), sitcoms, TV talent show in 80s, legit stage (I saw him in She Stoops to Conquer with Donald Sinden!). Michael Crawford probably comes close, although never a pop star in the Essex sense (although he’s probably sold as many records by now, and did have a Vegas residency).

  4. Glenn Aylett

    August 30, 2023 at 7:14 pm

    Anyone seen Silver Dream Racer, where Dave plays a motorcyclist with a handbuilt superbike? Not a classic, but it did produce a decent single called Silver Dream Machine and proved Mr Essex could keep adapting his career from his early pop success. Never saw The River, though, was probably in the pub.

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