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TV: B is for...

Bad Boyes

ACE TEATIME CBBC fare documenting the exploits of one Brian Arthur Derek Boyes (B.A.D. BOYES – do you see?) starring STEVEN “NEVER APPEARED ON TELEVISION AGAIN” KEMBER as the eponymous self-styled Best Dodger in the Universe locked in a trial of pithy playground strength with school bully Slogg and other larger-than-life late-80s wideboy weiners. Two series ensued, both A+, largely thanks to script being pitched slightly above average intelligence of people waiting for Neighbours to come on: “I just got accosted by two separate Poppy collectors, but fortunately I was able to fend one off with, ‘I disapprove of your symbol because opium comes from poppies. Do your realise that you are promoting drug addiction?’ and the other with, ‘I lost my grandfather in the War and all our money goes into keeping his grave.'”

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"Brian's Binatone is great for his cassettes!"

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