LIFE IN THE most uncommercial, threadbare-looking department store in the world which somehow managed to stay in business for 13 years on a budget of jokes about tits, homosexuals and “sales drives”. Every single one of the 689,000 episodes had the same plot. Miss Brahms (PAULINE FOWLER) complains about working conditions to boss Captain Peacock (FRANK THORNTON). She alludes to her breasts (“I want to know my future’s in front of me”) and so does he (“Yes, er, you certainly have a couple of points there”). Mrs Slocombe (MOLLIE SUDGEN) arrives in the lift and makes reference to her genitals (“Ooh, it’s raining buckets outside – my pussy was soaked through this morning”). Mr Humphreys (JOHN INMAN) steps out of a nearby closet and makes a reference to his genitals (“Ooh, I had a terrible night – it took me three hours to get off”). Peacock issues instructions to ensure latest “sales drive” works. Everyone grumbles. Either Mr Lucas (TREVOR BANNISTER) or Mr Spooner (MIKE “BLUE RIBAND BLUES” BERRY) leers after passing crumpet. Mr Grainger (ARTHUR BROUGH) moans about his back. Pauline falls over, Mollie gets stuck up a ladder with Frank’s head under her skirt, John – after declaring himself ready and available – dresses up as a gay, and 150-year-old Young Mr Grace comes in and says “you’ve all done very well”. The End. Every bloody week.