TV Cream

Films: U is for...

Ups and Downs of a Handyman

Aka “The Happy Housewives,” for some reason. Not a ‘Confessions’, or even an ‘Adventures’, this odd piece of bawdy flotsam which takes Barry ‘Reilly: Ace of Spies’ Stokes as its Askwith, and features Flumps narrator Gay ‘Wheels Turning Round’ Soper, Sue ‘Crossroads’ Lloyd, Valerie ‘String’ Leon, Bob “in every dodgy comedy film” Todd and Chic “off you go, you small boys” Murray. Consensus has it that, of the Askwith knock-offs, this is the poorest by an arse, although there’s much worse out there, we can assure you. Ahem. Anyhow, for the lowdown on this particular entry, we now defer to the internet in all its majesty – “Four spankings are administered by the bottom spanking village squire Bob Todd. All the spanking scenes are on screen and are all mild and fun”, “Female celebrity smoking review: Sue Lloyd takes a couple of long drags”, “Features shot of both BEA and British Airways liveried RMA class AEC Routemasters on Hammersmith flyover and also background shots of Alder Valley Dennis Loline IIIs and a Marshall bodied saloon in National Bus Company red.”



  1. THX 1139

    February 28, 2021 at 3:09 pm

    This write up is funnier than the film. No mention of the theme song, though? It’s not Goldfinger, but it is an earworm.

  2. Glenn Aylett

    February 28, 2021 at 3:29 pm

    For out and out sexploitation, Big Zapper takes some beating. A cross between a thriller and a porn film, this low budget schlock seems typical of the second division of the British film industry in the seventies. Much is made of Harriet Big Zapper’s attributes and when not blowing people away with her pair of Magnum 357s, or beating them up, she’s in bed with someone. Bizarre and made by Lindsay Shonteff, which says it all. Also not something Linda Berkoff’s Women Marlowe would like to be reminded of.

    • THX 1139

      March 1, 2021 at 10:40 am

      From what I’ve read about Linda Marlowe, she’s quite pleased to have been a kickass female James Bond at one point in her career (it was for Shonteff, he was obsessed with Bond). Good on her, I say.

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