TV Cream

Films: F is for...

Flowers in the Attic

Late ’80s adaptation of the Virginia Andrews teenage potboiler ‘much talked about in girls’ toilets’, according to one authoritative source, here tarted up in the usual late-’80s cheapo film manner, with loads of random low angles bunged in for no reason, and bloody terrible, omnipresent music (cf Dr Who). Nurse Ratched off of Cuckoo’s Nest imprisons Barbra off of Inseminoid’s kids in Jack Nicholson’s house from The Witches of Eastwick, allowing the original Buffy and one of Troy’s mates off of The Goonies to get it on in the bathroom. ‘Don’t you want to brush your teeth?’ ‘I don’t feel like it tonight.’

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