“When he pours, he reigns.” Groo. About as well thought out as that strapline here’s Tom Cruise as a cretinous, ungrateful little gimp working in a pub in Jamaica where he presumably has to stand on a box so he can reach the top of the bar. But he’s not just a barman you know, he makes cocktails! And he’s studying for a business degree so he’s not really daft (hasn’t passed it, mind, just studying for it). The origin of all those idiots in bars who chuck bottles of Bols and Grenadine around while you stand like a lemon remonstrating with them to stop juggling and just get the drink poured. Also starring Bryan ‘Citroen’ Brown and included here only because Bobbi in Home and Away had a ‘Cocktail’ poster on her wall the whole time she was staying in Tom and Pippa’s house.