TV Cream

Cream over Britain

New year, new feature

Gazing into the TV Cream crystal ball, bought from the boot of James Burke’s car one foggy afternoon in 1996, what does 2009 hold in store? One word: revivals.

With it being the age of make do and mend – itself a hand-me-down maxim from former times – the next 12 months are likely to be peppered with them. Comebacks. Resurgences. ‘Welcome returns’ (a phrase nobody ever uses in everyday speech ever: “What’s on telly tonight?” “Well, there’s a welcome return for The Krypton Factor, dear!”)

Here are 20 things that could possibly reappear at some point in 2009. And look: you can vote for the ones you think (not hope) will actually happen!

A few notes. Mr and Mrs would be hosted by Alan Carr, and would be a proper ‘ordinary people’ affair. The Yeti is next in line for a wacky encounter with wacky Dr Who David Tennant. Michael Grade is surely tempted to bring back rubbed-faced funnymen and women in primetime. ‘Five pounds in notes’ was once, and could be again, the amount you’d be able to take out of the country when going on holiday. Prefab Sprout, one of the greatest bands ever, are tipped to release a new album.

ACAS is in there because there’ll be strikes (cue talk of ‘a spring/summer/autumn/winter of discontent’). Strike It Lucky would be hosted by Joe Swash and would be a flop. Gallifrey has already been mooted wisely by Stuart over on Feeling Listless. Clive James might need the money. Danny Baker seems destined to become a full-on BBC ‘face’ once more. There’ll be a general election in the autumn and nobody will win a majority. Shooting Stars would be a series. Phoenix Nights would be a one-off, called Peter Kay’s Phoenix Nights For One Night Only. And December will be the 25th anniversary of Do They Know It’s Christmas. A remake will come out on SyCo records.

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  1. Simon

    January 1, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    Surely Mr & Mrs (that all-star thing with Fern’n’Phil) and The Bake (606, BBC London, Betfair advert voiceovers) are already ‘back’?

  2. TV Cream

    January 1, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    Mr and Mrs would be a proper ‘ordinary people’ affair. And the thinking about Baker is that he’d become a fully-fledged BBC ‘face’ again. Mainstream slots, high profile publicity, regular appearances on The One Show, that sort of thing.

  3. Graham Kibble-White

    January 1, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    Isn’t it the Zygons who are coming back in Dr Who? And the Meddling Monk?

  4. Stu

    January 1, 2009 at 9:22 pm

    Gallifrey just seems to be the arc the four series and specials are all working towards. The whole last of the timelords thing seems was designed to be part of the reintroduction of the series to the public. But now that mythology is being smeared all over the place (Gary Russell’s latest novel mentions stuff which happened in a BBC past doctor novel, a Big Finish Sarah Jane Smith audio and a Seventh Doctor DWM comic strip and all in the same paragraph!) I think he’ll bring ’em all back. If there’s a bunch of characters which Moffat could have fun writing it’s the timelords …

  5. Ian B

    January 2, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    In what form would Roland Rat be coming back? On the GMTV studio due to a strike caused by cost cutting, in a revamped Roland’s Rat Race or in Roland Rat: The New Series?

  6. TV Cream

    January 2, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    It would be called Roland Rat 2.0, and would involve the wise-cracking rodent sitting at a desk in front of a giant tower of screens, chatting with celebrities online, reading out top 10 lists of stupid Twitter comments, watching YouTube videos of people skiing down escalators, and being continually interrupted by Kevin and Errol while trying to perform an interactive drama.

  7. fl3m

    January 2, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    Danny Baker made a very welcome return in 2008 and gave us all some relief from the same old crap about The Big Four spouted week in week out by Lovejoy/Spoony/Green, and reminded us why we all enjoyed 606 in the first place. Now he’s got his foot back in the door at the Beeb, surely some sort of TV work is on the cards?

    I’d like to see regional idents come back at the start of ITV programmes, only there aren’t any proper regions any more so it can’t happen. Occasionally one slips through the net on ITV3 or 4.

  8. Nedoflanders

    January 19, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    Despite the chances being very low (or improbable), ‘Clive James On Television’ would get it from me. Unlike the remaining, I think this would still work! It was extremely popular in it’s day (seeing as many as 19 million), but since has somehow been forgotten!

    I saw Clive at the Edinburgh Festival and his humour is still strong and worthy of a good look-in.

    I was recently looking into the programme once again and I now see it as one of the best series to ever come out of the eighties. James’ snappy comments are good and the clips are ground-hitting hilarious. …and that is from finding 2 episodes!

    I’m urging anyone for a copy of anymore shows. It’s an addictive format.

    The spin-off – ‘Tarrant On TV’ – was declared as cancelled recently (after the quality of the clips failing to raise viewers). Which prooves that the show cannot be as daring as ‘..On Television’ was back then – this could be because the television we poked at was eventually made here!

    The older clips are funnier, specially the madcap conteastants on ‘Endurance’ – ahhh…the 1984 series when we saw the competators endure around Europe was the best of all series.

    James DID actually attempt to revive the programme in the nineties – two series in 1996 and 1997 – but this sadly missed my eye.

    Anyway here’s Clive’s final episode – found on Youtube – from the 1st January 1988.

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