TV Cream

Films: D is for...

Diamonds Are Forever

Connery’s comeback caper, easily the best ‘non-serious’ Bond of the lot. It’s endearingly daft without being offensively stupid (yes, Moonraker, we’re looking at you), goes all over the place without getting tedious, and features the great more-than-just-a-dodgy-stereotype sub-villains Kidd and Wint. OK, so Charles Gray is a disappointingly avuncular Blofeld, Jill ‘Tiffany Case’ St. John and Lana ‘Plenty O’Toole’ Wood don’t do much, and the theme song’s by Shirley bleedin’ Bassey again, but what a plot! Directionless, profligate, vulgar and wantonly episodic, just how Bond should be. You can imagine the scene – with only weeks to go until shooting starts, round the big conference table a hundred harried writers nervously pitch their little bits of business – “OK, so there’s this robotic pipe-welder, right…” “There’s a bomb hidden in a big fake trifle…” “Bond fights two feisty kung fu ladies in bikinis!” “How about we have Q playing the fruit machines?” “… and so the car goes up on two wheels…” “… he sticks the marching band cassette down her pants…” “… false fingerprints…” “… TWO Blofelds…” “… a moon buggy!!” – and Good Old Cubby, at head of table, holds up his hand for silence, takes a drag on his cigar, leans forward and says, “Fellas… we’ll shoot ’em all!” And we’re so glad he did.

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  1. Glenn Aylett

    July 18, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    For me the minor characters made it watchable. The gay assasins Kidd and Wint and their wisecracks after they killed someone in a fiendish way are hilarious and then, of course, we have Bambi and Thumper and their martial arts lesson for Bond who instead of seducing the lovely Thumper gets a karate kick. However, Sean looked bored all the way through and that pink tie he wore- well was it part of camped up nature of the film or was it the only tie he could find?

  2. Richard Davies

    December 7, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    Supposedly Sean Connery came back to do this only due to a big pay rise, though he decently donated it to charity.

    Howard Hughes was the insparation for Willard Whyte, &, some of the Las Vegas was shot around Hughes owned property.

    Quite a lot of footage was lost in editing, including a cameo by Sammy Davis Jr.

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