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The Grand Moff of gore. In a review of his latest blockbuster, be sure to mention how far he’s come since the days of dousing his best mate in ketchup on a cliff top. ‘With your incessant Tolkein, you’re becoming a pest!’ When someone mentions Lord of the Rings in a debate on the soullessness of computer generated so-called imagery, say ‘Ah! The exception that proves the rule!’

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