TV Cream

Time Capsule

Chained

METALLURGY-FRIENDLY DATING MUNDANITY shoved out on a newly-born E4 and fronted by Melanie Hill. Who? Tsk, how quickly you forget: Melanie, her off of the first Big Brother, who almost won but didn’t, and who shared – GASP – one tiny kiss with a fellow heterosexual contestant. Now you remember. Perhaps you wish you didn’t. This was supposedly Mel’s “debut” as a telly presenter, hence setting a precedent for erstwhile BB housemates to try their luck at being a Television Star. It was also her swansong, hence setting a precedent for erstwhile BB housemates to fall spectacularly and rapidly on their arse. Resoundingly untelegenic premise involved a looking-for-love twentysomething spending a week in a converted penthouse chained, literally, to a long line of potential suitors. Participants had to eat, shit and sleep shackled. One by one the suitors would be “evicted” – as per every bloody reality game show during this decade – by the Mr or Mrs Looking-For-Love, after trying to exhibit their amorous designs via a series of challenges, which amounted to the lofty heights of watching each other cook a meal, or going to a garden centre. When each suitor was kicked out, Mel’s big moment arrived as, taking the rejected loser into a debriefing room next door, she would breathily ask each and every sodding one of them: “How do you feel?” Show was stripped over weeknights, so that by Friday the subject had just two hopefuls on the chain, and had to choose between one of them or pissing off with a load of spending money. They invariably, and wisely, chose the latter. This being E4, “alternative” editions saw lesbian and bisexual shacklegangs, and always much implied titillation at the prospect of multi-shagging. None was ever transmitted. We think. Entire series then disappeared, like its mono-phrased presenter, into oblivion, thereby reprising the fate of the [cref 1249 previous programme to feature members of the public chained up for money].

2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. Knows Too Much About BB

    January 10, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    She didn’t really almost win, the only reason Melanie stayed in the BB house till near the end was because the boys fancied her and didn’t nominate her for eviction. She was actually the first ever housemate to be booed when she made her exit, not much but enough to be noticeable, and this was in the first year when everyone was cheered (Nasty Nick left by the back door), unlike later on when just about everyone except the winner was booed.

    Anna Nolan was a better presenter, anyway.

  2. Glenn A

    March 23, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    Only Brian Dowling really made a career out of Big Brother, if you exclude the tragedy that was Jade Goody, by becoming the show’s presenter in its early years on Channel 5. Others like Melanie Hill have faded into obscurity, although a forum on Digital Spy seems to keep the show’s diehard followers informed of what the person who came last in series two is doing.

Leave a Reply

Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

"Brian's Binatone is great for his cassettes!"

To Top