FINEST FRENCH export since Pasteurisation.
HB'S TOP-RANKING baddie and his doggy in fruitless airborne pursuit of endlessly irritating pigeon with a satchel full of messages.
THAT EXCLAMATION MARK says it all.
A GRUMPY JOHN FREEMAN (never seen) pelts doomed celebrities (in selfless close-up) with prurient questions about whether they cried as a child...
The brilliance of Troy Kennedy Martin's TV drama is known to all, or at least it darn well should be.
COLOSSUS OF small screen blue light institutions
"GENTLEMAN, YOU are about to enter the most fascinating sphere of police work."
UNCOUTH VERSION of Radio 4's Any Questions, only with pictures.
CHIEFLY REMEMBERED for having starred LOUISE "DICKIE DAVIES HAIR" JAMESON fresh from DR WHO as leather-clad inarticulate Leela
SUNDAY TEATIME timewastery with the titular buck-toothed tax dodger presiding over the puppet inhabitants of Knotty Ash.
CROSS-DRESSING ENTENDRE purveyor who virtually owned TV in the 70s thanks to sub-Benny Hill knock-off characters comprising bucktoothed vicar, flirty woman, bover...
FLOATY YELLOW glasses in the sky and bah-baaahhh! (der-der-der-dooo-dooo) theme tune? Time for another appointment with, in the words of the BBC...
TWO COCKTAIL-SIPPING Auden-spouting flappers move to Hungary
THE GENESIS of SWAP SHOP
THAT FAMOUS theme tune was called "Impending Menace"
PE COMPETITION overseen by stern-but-fair RON PICKERING and the noisiest thing ever on children's television.
THE FIRST of Sir Dave's big budget quests
SIMPERING SITCOMMERY involving a single studio set standing in for the entire British World War Two Indian subcontinent campaign and two million...
TO BE FRANK, after ROOBARB and NOAH AND NELLY a bit of a comedown from the Godfrey studio.
Yet more mangy mutts from Hanna-Barbera's lost weekend that was the mid-70s.
THE ESCAPDES of NIGEL "KINVIG" KNEALE'S phone-book-named uber-scientist.
YOU'RE OFF school - again - with an upset tummy.
NO FURTHER explanation needed, surely?
JAMES BOLAM laid the memory of THE LIKELY LADS to rest with this grisly 1920s depression-quest.
HOMELY BROOD OF northern-accented pompoms
"Hey, I've got a great idea for a cartoon! Why not take some old classic book, one that's out of copyright, and...
WILLY FOG might have been testing the limits of literary credibility somewhat
DOCU-SOAP BEFORE they'd been invented, and indeed, the best one ever made.
NOT TO be confused with RUSSELL HARTY the show (not the man), for which see, erm, RUSSELL HARTY.
ONCE A Saturday night-only appointment, now a franchise seemingly wheeled out at any time of the day (it's World Cup Grandstand, dammit!).
STURDY EIGHT o'clock suburbacom
FAT MAN dons comedy wig/glasses/oversized bowtie while thin man attempts to sing popular song on acoustic guitar.
ONCE BOLTED firmly to the scheduling floor on Saturday afternoon, this prized presentational paddle-steamer was berthed only when it became silly to...
Take Rod Hull, a fake plastic arm, a bit of Goodies slapstick here, a bit of Python media parody there, and a...
THE BEEB'S screensaver.
"IF THEY took sex out of this programme, there'd be nothing left!"
UPPER CLASS FOX with a human voice insults well-known BBC face...
LOAD-BEARING LEVIATHAN of British comedy
"NO NO, that's not his name, it's just the name of the programme." Bollocks to that.
AS NOT THE NINE O'CLOCK NEWS had it: "Bleeding bloody ESTHER bleeding bloody effing bloody RANTZEN bloody woman."
PLAY SCHOOL-REPLACING nod to neo-multicultural values (Humpty no longer deemed to cut the inclusivity mustard) in which the titular bus called at...
AH, MONDAY NIGHTS IN THE '80S, and NOEL EDMONDS bringing us the very definition of redoubtable family fare with his relaxed and...
HARD-UP AUNTIE resorts to slapping on another shitty import to eat up expensive airtime on hot August mornings, when no-one will be...
IFFY EEKING out of the last scraps of PORRIDGE
MUCH LIKE the vogue for programmes beginning with a fulsome TAKE (see above), so programmes opening business with a terse THAT'S are...
UP FROM the depths. Thirty stories high.
STEAM-SATURATED TRAINSPOTTING tribulations
ROBBIE VINCENT invites middle class white families to lose weight on national television via "simple" challenges and humiliation of being weighed on...
GNOMES, EH? Now there's a subject for laugh-out-loud light entertainment.