TV Cream


‘Something Outa Nothing’ by Letitia Dean & Paul J. Medford


We’ve all heard of success going to people’s heads, but this was just ridiculous. Never mind your Simon Cowells – back in the mid-eighties it was another Simon, a mild-mannered composer by the name of May, who set his sights on total domination of the pop music infrastructure, when a smidgeon of chart success led to the formulation of Neitzchean ambitions that even Lex Luthor, Arthur Petrelli, Davros and Hamburglar would have unanimously adjudged “too much”. A hit with the theme from Howard’s Way led to an even bigger hit with lyric-equipped rewrite of the EastEnders theme as Anyone Can Fall In Love, followed by a bigger hit still with Howard’s Way’s own vocal rework Always There, and finally a climb all the way to the top of the Hit Parade with Nick Berry’s in-character piano-tinkler Every Loser Wins, the May-composed soundtrack to Lofty sliding down his bedroom door. It was at this point that he unveiled his grand masterplan – the creation of a cross-platform multimedia ‘supergroup’ by roping the younger residents of Albert Square – Sharon (lead vocals), Kelvin (backing vocals), Wicksy (keyboards), Ian (drums) and infrequently-glimpsed pals Eddie (guitar) and legendary Billy Bragg-riffing manager Harry, who had ‘seen’ the radical polemic hidden behind pop music – into an overlong storyline about forming a band called Dog Market, later changed to The Banned (ho ho), who alarmed Roly with some feedback while rehearsing at the Queen Vic before imploding at a ‘Battle Of The Bands’ in a flurry of dashed ideological dreams. Fortunately this didn’t quite pan out as expected, and when formidable producer Julia Smith declared ‘ENOUGH!’, May’s mogul-tastic ambitions were effectively locked up in Metropolis County Penitentiary, shot through the brain by Sylar, buried alive on Skaro and forced to give their purloined hamburgers back. Still, their flagship anthem Something Outa Nothing leaked out on – where else? – BBC Records, credited solely to Letitia Dean & Paul J Medford, and managed a respectable chart showing, doubtless thanks in no small part to the primetime exposure, lipsynched performances on Saturday Superstore et al in natty matching ‘animal print’ getup, and a small army of adolescent males who bought it in some sort of vain hope that their support might bring them somehow into the ‘pulling’ orbit of the notoriously bustifically-advantaged Ms Dean. And yet, for all that, it was a pretty good effort especially for a soap tie-in single, with a weirdly dark melody, lyrics about synesthaesia, and symphonic synth-pop backing pitched somewhere between The Pet Shop Boys and the dawn of House Music. Though it never did quite manage to get Lofty sliding back up that bedroom door.



  1. Glenn A

    March 16, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    Surely you’ve forgotten another Eastenders tie in record, Lofty( Tom Watt’s) cover of Subterranean Homesick Blues. 1986 really was the year when Eastenders mania extended to the pop charts. Corrie tried to cash in with Coronation St The Album, but this wasn’t a show the kids liked so did nothing. However, the Eastenders/pop crossover must have got a certain pop producer interested when a certain Aussie soap became the next big thing for the kids.

  2. TV Cream

    March 16, 2010 at 11:01 pm

    Who could forget that… but it wasn’t written or produced by Simon May so there was no point in mentioning it here. Otherwise we’d have spent ages going on about I Can’t Get A Ticket To The World Cup by Peter Dean too. Or Killing Time by Barry Blood. Or the records by ‘Eddie’s real life band. Or…

  3. Kitten in a Brandy Glass

    March 18, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    My primary memory of their climactic Queen Vic performance is that Sharon wore one of those Madonna rip-off belt buckles emblazoned with the words “Boy Toy”, while Kelvin wore a matching one that read “Toy Boy”.

  4. Barbara

    December 4, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    Every Loser Wins was the worst!

  5. Glenn A

    September 15, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    I used to fancy Letitia Dean when I was 17. Remember when she tried to seduce Lofty, “do you prefer stockings or tights, Lofty?” to which Dirty Den slapped her one and sent Lofty home. I also remember her playing Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush in the same episode.
    Actually I’m surprised there isn’t anything from Kate Bush on here as she is very much of The Cream era and Wuthering Heights was the oddest song of 1978 to hit the top, it wasn’t punk, it wasn’t disco, had nothing to do with Grease, and had these strange girl singing about a book you had to read in English Lit.

  6. Richard Davies

    September 16, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    On the original TV Cream site one of Kate Bush’s b-sides was mentioned on the TVC 100 B-sides list.

  7. Glenn A

    July 6, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    Even Arthur Fowler got in the act with his unofficial England World Cup song ” I Can’t Get A Ticket For The World Cup”, which bombed, although the official song reached the lofty heights of 66 in the charts, which showed how little interest there was in football in the mid eighties.

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