People who think “Lockstock” is a good gangster film? We shit ’em. Bob Hoskins’ demented turn in, er, “Longgood” is the cornerstone of this proper bloody IRA/mafia caper. Also starring, in descending order of achievement Helen Mirren, Karl “you shouldn’t be scrubbing at your age, auntie!” Howman, Gillian ‘On Safari’ Taylforth, Paul ‘The Brothers MacGregor’ Barber, Brian Hayes, Dexter ‘Gamesmaster’ Fletcher, Brian ‘the barman in Up The Elephant and Round the Castle’ Hall, and Pierce Brosnan. Apparently, there were plans to make a sequel to this, if you can believe that. Producers approached the Blessed John Mackenzie and put the proposal of a follow-up to him. Now, if you’ve seen the film (if not, why not?) you will know that in the final scene Harold Shand – that’s ‘Oskins – is being driven away by Pierce Brosnan and another psycho to be shot. Mackenzie pointed this out to aforementioned producers commenting that Shand is dead. But no, said ingenious film types; the car crashes round the corner and Shand gets away. He isn’t dead at all! Well, said Mackenzie, he’s dead in my fucking head! And that, ladies and gentleman, is one of the very numerous reasons that we like John Mackenzie an awful lot.