IN THE BEGINNING there was AMERICAN FOOTBALL on a Sunday teatime
ULTRA-VIOLENT BLOODFEST following exploits of titular ex-con porn peddler
MULTI-AVERAGE VEHICLE for a by now decidedly knackered-looking Chachi off of HAPPY DAYS
"ONCE UPON a time, there were three beautiful girls who went to the Police Academy"
PART OF London Weekend Television's late eighties foray into upmarket drama
KEITH "HAPPY APPLE" WATERHOUSE revives the NIGHT TRAIN TO MUNICH cricket fanatic diplomats as present day bumbling retirees, who proceed to become...
DEFTLY OBSCURE late-night women only (how daring!) blabathon
DISEMBARK, IF you will, upon the verdant shores of Gaul
GAME SHOW WITH (good grief) schools taking part.
FIRST IN a double whammy of Keith
Sub-Pinball Wizard fanfare was the cue for our man to bound, literally, onto camera, do a little skip and go "Yessss!" by...
SMUG BACK-SLAPATHON from Hat Trick executives-to-be
ONE OF THE EERIEST programmes ever.
SOME BOYS keep the shrunken head of 'Chico', a sort of shamen, in their tree house.
SUNDAY-NIGHT DOWNER guaranteed to send you rushing into the arms of your algebra homework.
ANNUAL TIN-RATTLE from Television Centre
MISLEADINGLY invigoratingly-titled Kiwi-instigated saga of turn-of-the-century Blyton-esque youngsters in pinstripes and straw hats. Much derring-do revolved around sub-Fawlty morali-comic attempts to help...
MORE POSH KIDS piss about in the snow in Olde Rural Englande.
NEW ZEALAND export about a Tearaway Girl
YET MORE 1970s MYSTICO-QUACKERY
NOT A misprint, but a weirdo drama
CUE THE pigeons.
ANOTHER BATCH OF pretend wartime evacuees get their lives laid bare on the box
BASICALLY, THE bits between the programmes which turned into programmes.
GROUNDBREAKY ETHNOSLEUTH twatter
WELCOME TO SATURDAY lunchtime
THE THING IS, you've got this computer, right, which "makes" this comic (somehow)
More weirdness from that mid-'80s period when CITV tried to steal a march on its freshly-Broom-Cupboarded-up rival by commissioning the first thing...
THE BEEB WERE scraping below the bottom of the barrel here
ADAPTED FROM John Wyndham books that nobody read
GENTEEL KIDS' music and "antics" show with PETER WEAR and the do-you-see ennamed JUSTIN CASE.
MORE BENIGN surrealism from the boys at Cosgrove-Hall
"OI, CHURCHILL! Can you save me money on my quality drama output?"
NUTS-AND-BOLTS ROUND-UP of the week's big screen business
GRISLY MOVIE NEWS (but, crucially, not reviews) show linking clips of Lethal Weapon II, Die Hard II and other exciting films that...
TOOTING POPULAR FRONT. ROBERT LINDSAY.
BELOW THE WAVES carry-on from the PATHFINDERS team
SURPRISINGLY LONG-RUNNING Beeb mainstay going out on primetime BBC1 north of Hadrian's Wall and BBC2 below.
PROTRACTED PERAMBULATION by and about the world's finest antiquated artefacts
HANDIWORK OF ROY "LAST OF" CLARKE
CELLULOID-CENTRED ROUND-UP anchored by dapper CHRIS KELLY
IN PUNISHMENT for her GAME FOR A LAUGH crimes, SARAH KENNEDY was forced to present this tedious sub-THIS IS YOUR LIFE effort
YET ANOTHER PERIOD COCK-UP
BELT-AND-BRACES HORROR business dressed up as child's fare
ROBIN "DOCTOR" NEDWELL did little in this tale of ambitious genius Harry Lumsden
FROM BEHIND an oil tanker-sized desk, from within a imperially-dark blue set
DINNER-JACKETED CARNIVAL of wryly-cued clippage, awards and A-list star turns, flawlessly fronted by everyone's second favourite ageing Antipodean (after Helen Daniels).
EX-GERRY ANDERSON puppetmasters John Turner and Mary Read were responsible for this cumbersome palaver