TV Cream

Dr Who

“Pickled in time, like gherkins in a jar”

“Steadily, triumphantly, all our favourites have returned in the rejuvenated time travels,” booms Radio Times of Dr Who. “Cybermen, Daleks, Macra…”

Come again? The Macra? A “favourite”? If there’s one thing RT never does well – apart from its radio listings pages – it’s irony. Then again, maybe the Macra have proved to be surprisingly popular with the nation, and playgrounds are regularly filled with the spectacle of kids impersonating giant clicking clams.

Naturally this leads to speculation as to which “favourite” enemy will be returning next series to fall out of the sky along with the obligatory million rubber balls before landing on the obligatory Cardiff council estate close to the obligatory mixed-race/one-parent family.

Here’s the latest shortlist:

1) The Raston Warrior Robot off of The Five Doctors. He was, after all, “a ruthless killing machine” dressed like a member of Hot Gossip. And it’d turn the entire series finale into a gaudy game of musical statues.

2) Sil off of Vengeance On Varos. A talking turd, this monster already has the distinction of enjoying one comeback by way of a cameo in the dreadful unending Trial Of A Time Lord saga, and hence deserves a far more fitting finale.

3) Kamelion off of The King’s Demons/Planet Of Fire. This shape-changing alien was, according to John Nathan-Turner “ahead of its time”, i.e. crap. Perhaps now its time has come.

4) The Malus off of The Awakening. An over-sized gurning mantelpiece with features like the Gorgs on Fraggle Rock, this should be brought back purely to allow someone to say “well, it’s very much with Malus aforethought.”

5) The Rani. Kate O’Mara mincing about in puffy-sleeved blouses and giant boots screaming about “blundering fools” and being “pickled in time, like gherkins in a jar”? She’d fit right in.



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