RAPPING RODENT jumps previously sinking ship of TV-am for primetime Saturday evening slottage just before DR WHO. And bombs, spectacularly. Lousy “rogue channel” format consisted of a collection of “television programmes” (in reality just a sequence of, mostly very brief, sketches) brought together under the banner of a fictional television schedule. Shortest skits transmitted under the guise of fake commercials, and sequences such as a spoof advert for dandruff ending with Roland’s sidekick Kevin the Gerbil wearing a brown paper bag on his head, at least had brevity on their side. Also present: Roland’s decrepit parents Iris and Freddy; an inevitable spoof of the genuinely-everyone’s-talking-about-it EASTENDERS, and JAMES SAXON as hapless lickspittle manager Darcey de Farcey. Wretched Stock Aitken Waterman acid house-esque title music (‘I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I’m back!’) didn’t help, nor did the endless guest appearances by COLIN BAKER. Other wholly non-obvious guests included TIM BROOKE-TAYLOR, SAMANTHA FOX and BRIAN BLESSED, while the likes of Curiosity Killed the Cat and Nik Kershaw plied their musical wares. Iggy Pop turning up on the Christmas special must have been a bonechilling sight for the youngest viewers. “Don’t stop, we’re having fun,” lied the signature tune.