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HAND JIVER extraordinaire TED ROGERS flipped his wrists throughout this hour-long Spanish-derived mystery quiz rambling epic of an extravaganza, seemingly involving the whole Yorkshire Television studio complex every Saturday night and relying upon the most convoluted set of rules imaginable. Three dopey couples tried to outwit each other on the quest for a forrin oliday or a fitted kitchen (Moben, Schreiber etc.) while avoiding radio-controlled, red-nosed booby prize Dusty Bin. Fiendishly impossible rhymes, given by “guests” after they’d done their turn, were never guessed correctly. Many a bin won in this rather tight game show, mostly recalled for the way the Yorkshire logo would take off in flight at the very start of the opening titles. How would you have fared?:

Sample Clue: “The Arches Might Provide A Clue, Not Strolling But He’s Going Too”, accompanied by some sheet music.

Ted’s Baffling Explanation: “Well the first three letters of arches might have been clue enough, but we also said not strolling but he’s going too. Well if you take away HES from arches, all you have left is ARC. If you rearrange that with the sheet music, you’re left with ‘Music Maestro Please’. So what do think that means? Maestro! The British Leyland Maestro! You’ve won the car!” We didn’t make that up.

12 Comments

12 Comments

  1. richard t

    June 13, 2009 at 9:54 am

    Ah…. memories of 321,
    compelling yet annoying.
    “you picked the handbag!”
    “Well the hand bag made of leather, and leather rhymes with feather. feathers are located on the wings of birds, wings are on planes and so are people, people with luggage. luggage containing items of clothing, cloth, tablecloths are as you know on top of tables with silver service sets, sets in tennis, sports equipment and tennis balls, balls, round like wheels. wheels are found on cars, yes, yes thats right! you have won the bin!!!”

    Total crap.

  2. Glenn Aylett

    June 13, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    Quite a cleverly put together quiz show that was better than the critics thought and had a nine year run. The cryptic clues were always good and Ted Rogers hand jive was much imitated at the time.

  3. David Pascoe

    June 18, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    Impenetrable and dull way to spend Saturday nights throughout the mid-80s. Rather nifitily pulled to pieces in Channel 4’s 100 moments from TV Hell. Made the top 10, I believe.

  4. Dave Nightingale

    June 18, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    The clues were that cryptic,that even with an Enigma machine and Alan Bloody Turing in the room,you’d have been knackered!

  5. Applemask

    September 10, 2009 at 11:53 am

    There’s a difference between “cryptic” and “arbitrary”.

  6. B B Beyer

    September 12, 2009 at 11:27 am

    “Fiendishly impossible rhymes…were never guessed correctly.”

    Ah, but they were occassionally (I’m sure sometimes the star prize was won) – the point being, though, they were only ever “guessed”. No-one EVER worked them out.

    I could never do them, but in hindsight they didn’t seem any more difficult than cryptic crossword clues, and plenty of people can do those – I wonder why none of them ever seemed to apply (or be selected?) for the show?

  7. goodpudding

    September 12, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    And of course imported from Spain, much like sherry… Though a quart of sherry, would have made far more sense!

  8. Lee James Turnock

    May 18, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    On the bright side, it did at least provide partial inspiration for a brilliant Derek and Clive sketch. (‘Records’ on 1978’s ‘Ad Nauseum’.)

  9. Mark

    January 5, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Yeah, if visiting my nan wasn’t bad enough on a Saturday night as a 10 year old, we had this mind bending bollox to try to avoid/absorb…
    pure migraine…
    Hated that f#cking bin

  10. Damon Rose

    March 2, 2016 at 8:14 pm

    What a messed up programme. The beginning was a quiz with three or more couples. I liked that bit. And every time they got a wrong answer we were thrown over to comedian Chris Emit in what I think they called the boiler room. I think the quiz helped to distill down the number of contestants who would then go on to play the mystery ‘guess what this little rhyme means’ part of the game which was interspersed with variety acts. So many of them. You had to get thru so many little sketches before you got to the main thrust of the show … the prizes. To that extent it was as tedius as Eurovision before the scoreboard payoff. Why were there two tennis rackets behind Ted Rogers when he stood and gave his intro at the beginning of the show amongst the audience? Tennis? I remember that in series two or three Ted explained that they had shortened the rhymes to make the game easier.

  11. IanW

    August 15, 2016 at 12:27 pm

    Didn’t one of the early rounds involve playing some shitty early computer game like breakout or something?

  12. Droogie

    August 16, 2016 at 3:59 pm

    I don’t remember that on 321 IanW, but I do remember a daytime afternoon game show from the early 80’s presented by bog brush-haired cockney rocker Joe Brown called Square One. It was like a poor man’s Generation Game, but one of the rounds each week was playing an early computer game each week (possibly Atari)on a giant television set, which seemed very exciting and hi-tech to a kid back then

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