11. Together We’ll Be Ok

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Also:  It's Saturday Night 2. An autograph before you go 3. A new kind of game show 4. A rising exasperation with the quantity of dirt 5. The whole thing suddenly fell apart 6. Synthetic propensity 7. It was destined to be an anti-climax 8. This is your show now 9. The awesome scale of our wastefulness 10. Hands up those who couldn't care less 11. Together We’ll Be Ok 12. Decide the shape of ITV in the 1980s 13. Alan is too commercial 14. It worked like a dream 15. Older men, doing school boy tricks 16. Killing the Golden Goose 17. People love us to be sexy 18. The manure is worth more than the cattle 19. They were big in the States and we noted that 20. I’m still aggressive and I’m still handing out the insults 21. A new style of lunatic humour 22. The Habitat-bean-bag-hessian-wallpaper brigade 23. Thoroughly sinful 24. All carrots should be scraped, sliced and cooked 25. Back then it was radical stuff 26. Whatever they do, we can do it better 27. You'll have to take us as you find us 28. Entertainment that keeps on the move 29. It's the public that has to pay 30. The last we saw of either of them was their sad faces 31. Just shoot the bastard 32. Britain could clearly be facing its darkest hour 33. Any enthusiasm we may have had for continuing discussions is waning 34. It was considered by LWT and then put in a bottom drawer 35. Watch the redoubtable Terry take off 36. I thought it might be terrible and I wouldn’t enjoy it at all 37. Kamikaze Mastermind 38. We haven’t moved into luxury 39. We are investing in people 40. Delivered impeccably 41. He has to allow you to do your bit 42. All the anticipation of the great emotive point 43. If you want Russ Abbot to do it, then you have to accept me and my ideas 44. Let’s get straight into this 45. Unedifying Greed 46. We’ve got the fucking lot! 47. Scope for humour and danger 48. Pure Megablast 49. There’s lots of killing, but not much else 50. I wanted to make sure it was going to be disastrous 51. Oh dear – Auntie’s playing bingo! 52. A Shrivelled Little Thing 53. I shouldn’t have accepted it 54. We would be the spoilsports 55. The Most Sexless Person In Television 56. They’d have strung me up if I hadn’t chosen him 57. Is there some way to play with the internal constituent parts? 58. The most important entertainment programme of my time 59. The plumply pretty female duo 60. The audience just sort of started to freeze on him 61. More pilots than British Airways 62. There's going to come a time when you'll have to go to the BBC 63. A slightly pretentious manifesto 64. Things Look Very Precarious 65. It’s no good doing all the same old people all the time 66. That’s just not funny Bobby, it's corny - just don’t do that 67. Well bottom’s not funny 68. We Are The Funnymen 69. The powers that be listened to Denis 70. Stretchers never go up stairs 71. I was in obscurity until this series 72. I don’t care if he doesn’t like me 73. There’s such a passion for nostalgia right now 74. I Heard A Seat In The Stalls Go ‘Gerdonk!' 75. This is your show, folks, and I do mean you 76. There’s good news for perplexed fans of 3-2-1! 77. Taking on Blind Date would be a real challenge 78. You wanna bet on it? 79. The yarns worked their tried and tested magic 80. The Charge-And-Shout Brigade 81. I sat for a moment in silence, then turned in my chair and left the stage 82. We just weren't allowed into UK terrestrial television 83. Beadle’s A Prick 84. The interviewer always has to know when it's best to keep his or her mouth shut 85. Can you come up with a good solution for the Murder Weekend mystery? 86. He's not a goody- goody hero 87. The Sexism, The Dolly Birds, The Catchphrases 88. The feel of Saturday night 89. 1990 Who would employ an ex-alky with lowered self-esteem 90. It were a right smack in the face 91. Look Straight Into My Eyes And Everything Will Be Alright, That's A Promise 92. That's the last thing I was expecting, Jim 93. The characters and situations are real 94. Oh Man, There Go All My Women Fans 95. A Double Order of Talent 96. If there is an air of spontaneity about it, it’ll be genuine 97. NTV brings you ... empty rooms! 98. You’re BBC, you shouldn’t be here 99. If this doesn’t work out, we’re both snookered! 100. The humour of Beadle comes through humiliating people! 101. To allow such bilge on TV is an insult to the audience 102. Like a cup of cold sick 103. A litre of gin, ecstasy and crack cocaine 104. A reliable tent pole for Saturday evenings 105. It is in the cutlery drawer 106. Welcome to the new Saturday night 107. Congratulations, you have got the fucking Gen Game 108. The programme has done extremely badly and will be dropped after this series 109. Building the excitement and tension to a crescendo 110. He gives us our spirit of unity; we’d all like to strangle him 111. The worst programme currently on terrestrial television 112. I award the city state of Milton Keynes 100 credits! 113. There’s nothing that makes people scream, ‘Did you see that?’ 114. It was of a standard frankly well below what the public would want 115. Waxing An Ape Is My Ambition 116. Don’t Get Mad, Get Even 117. The penalty shoot-out is the greatest ever endgame 118. 200 black boxes are strapped to the back of a cross-section of the nation 119. Better For You, Better For All Of Us 120. I mean who on earth thought that was a good idea? 121. I’m sure the tune was in there somewhere 122. This Time, You Decide 123. King of trash, that’s me 124. It’s about rejection now 125. They lost what Popstars was all about 126. Win the ads 127. A name in search of a series 128. Getting grief from the papers 129. I’m so pleased to be back on television 130. Saturday nights haven't been this interesting for 10 years 131. It’s the Usual Nonsense 132. The trip of a lifetime Epilogue: Why Haven't You Written a Series of Articles on Tuesday Night Telly?

Yorkshire Television did its own bit for new comic talent on Saturday nights with the creation, in June 1980 of Rock With Laughter. Described as “a rapid succession of songs, impressions, daft jokes and weird impressions,” and “one of the fastest moving programmes around,” it adopted a style similar to Granada Television’s The Comedians. “Producer Mike Goddard recorded all the acts for the six shows in just five days,” recalled TV Times, “chopping his tape into segments of a few minutes each and weaving them together to make each programme. The acts are almost all unknowns, discovered on a six-week search of clubs and cabarets. They glory in such names as Bobby Sox – he’s a sort of rock ‘n’ roll Liberace, apparently – and Phil Cool. All mix comedy or impressions with their music. There are no stars as such, but Goddard does say to watch for a girl named Ines Burns, from Liverpool, who was discovered in a working men’s club singing with her husband’s band.

“‘She could be something quite special,’ says Goddard. ‘Wait till you see her impressions of people such as Kate Bush, Olivia Newton-John, Debbie Harry and Hilda Ogden.’ Some singer, that Hilda Ogden … ”

Much like Search For A Star winner Dave Wolfe, Phil Cool was to find early television exposure critical in establishing a viable career, and throughout 1980 and 1981, Cool chose to bill himself as a “Great New Comedy Star from TV’s Rock with Laughter“. A turn at Jasper Carrott’s Boggery Folk Club in March 1981 further cemented his reputation, and gained him the patronage of the Brummie comedian. This was the beginning of a long association, culminating in the creation of Cool’s own television series in 1985.

Not all those who appeared on Rock With Laughter could be expected to achieve such levels of fame. Bobby Sox (with the Prize Guys) continued to gig in and around Liverpool throughout the 1980s (eventually amalgamating with other local acts to form the Jive Mothers), while the hotly tipped Ines Burns failed to meet the high expectations that Goddard had for her and disappeared from public gaze.

If you were trying to identify the comedians that made the most of 1980 though, four candidates stand out. Winning Opportunity Knocks in 1971 had opened doors for Cyril Mead (born in Blackpool in 1942) and Eddie McGinnis (born in Glasgow, also in 1942). Here was yet another duo that had begun their career as a singing double act. Performing on the Manchester club scene they spent many years paying their dues before stardom beckoned (once having to pay admission while topping the bill). As Little and Large, they developed an act in which Mead (for he was Syd Little) attempted to perform a musical number while McGinnis (under the nom-de-plume Eddie Large) provided comic interruptions. One series for Thames Television in 1976, followed by a Christmas special for the BBC the following year resulted in Little and Large being awarded their own Saturday night early evening television show on BBC1.

Pleased to see them back in February 1980 for a new series, Radio Times was misty eyed as it attempted to describe their unique act. “Eddie is bursting with madcap energy. He rushes all over the place doing his comedy impressions. Rod Stewart singing ‘If you want my body … ’ with appropriate movements. Mrs Thatcher, Kate Bush swooping and soaring. George and Mildred. Prince Philip. The Flowerpot Men. Joe Gormley. Mork. Top Cat. Benny from Crossroads. Hylda Baker. The Fonz. Miss Piggy and Kermit. Demis Roussos. Only a snatch of each, a characteristic line or two with a joke twisted into it … Syd meanwhile mostly just stands there with his acoustic guitar acting rather gormless and put-upon, his eyes blank behind big thick specs. For the last 20 minutes he’s been attempting to sing ‘Mull of Kintyre’. Eddie constantly interrupts with his impersonations”. There was little doubt that Little and Large were formulaic, but they were making the kind of television that people wanted to watch on Saturday evenings. They had the 19^th most popular programme of 1980 with 18.1 million viewers tuning in.

“Double acts have to send out a message about what they do,” believes seasoned producer and director Michael Leggo, ”and Little and Large, who were very successful for a number of years were silly and juvenile. I don’t mean that in an unkind way, but it was ‘kiddie’ humour.”

While Little and Large’s television career was getting under way, their close rivals, Cannon and Ball were getting over a shaky start. Having suffered at the hands of Bruce Forsyth’s Big Night, their own series appeared to be a just reward. Scheduled for transmission at the end of 1979, the duo could hardly believe their luck. Having watched their carefully prepared sketches pulled from show after show of the Forsyth series, they were determined to remain sceptical. “Tommy and I stayed calm,” recalls Ball. “When we were invited to discuss the length of the series, the writers who would help provide the material, and the subject of money, we began to feel it might actually come off after all. David Bell, a brilliant light entertainment producer, was hired to put the show together for us, and an idea started to become a reality”. This, of course was the same David Bell who had upset Freddie Starr during the production of Freddie Starr’s Variety Madhouse. Happily though, his experience with Cannon and Ball was far more productive. “The final realisation that this was not a dream came when we were told that our own theme song was being written. This was a great moment – having spent our lives singing other people’s material, this one was just for us … and ‘Together We’ll Be Ok’ became our theme tune for ever more”.

However, fate intervened yet again as the twosome’s first run was scheduled slap bang in the middle of the ACTT strike that blighted ITV in 1979. When the series was eventually broadcast the duo found themselves catapulted into the spotlight. “We did the north pier in Blackpool and that’s when suddenly we realised our lives had changed,” says Cannon. “During the rehearsal, the queue for tickets was round the north pier and right the way down the seafront.” Although originally compliant to the conventions of television recording, the boys grew into their craft with some speed and began to exert more influence. “Suddenly then the television cameras eased off and started to follow us a little instead of having to go to our marks,”  remembers Cannon.

By 1980 (in a Friday night slot for the only time in their 12-year run) Cannon and Ball were able to command audiences of up to 13.5 million viewers. That December, TV Times reflected upon the duo’s meteoric rise. “The explosive year for Tommy Cannon and Bobby Ball goes out, aptly, with a bang on Saturday: Cannon and Ball For Christmas marks the end of 12 months which have seen the arrival of the north country duo as superstars. After 18 years of solid club land success, 1980 was the year they launched their first (sic) seven-week series for LWT; broke Blackpool box office records (held since 1962 by Bruce Forsyth) for their summer season at the north pier and performed to capacity audiences at just about every club and concert they worked”.

Yet all was not wine and roses. The duo found themselves at number four in ITV viewers list of most hated television programmes for 1980. For the record, The Nesbitts Are Coming (an odd semi-musical situation comedy about a family of unruly roving crooks), Russ Abbot’s Madhouse and Crossroads were all that stood between Cannon and Ball and ultimate ignominy.

In 1983 Cannon and Ball were considered big enough to justify their own motion picture. The Boys In Blue is a pretty unmemorable remake of a Will Hay film and bears the immortal tagline “A really blue movie … ” But it is a good indication of how popular Cannon and Ball were during the early 1980s and it’s one of the few career achievements that sets the duo apart from the aforementioned Little and Large. There a number of parallels between the two duos, not least that both came from a background of northern working men’s clubs, both appeared on Opportunity Knocks and both began their respective run of Saturday night television series in 1978. Perhaps most importantly though, the template created by these two double acts would shape mass appeal TV comedy throughout the decade.

Next: “Decide the shape of ITV in the 1980s “