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Confessions from a Holiday Camp

The final Confessions entry, filmed in a disused Warner’s holiday village in Hayling Island during the drabbest March you ever did see. Lance Percival acts gay, Linda Hayden acts French, John Junkin accidentally writes “TITS” on a blackboard in the most drawn-out double take ever committed to film, and Mike ‘You get a bucket…’ Savage, Colin ‘First prize in the raffle is a diving suit… no, it’s a divan suite’ Crompton and – she had to make it in here somewhere – Marianne Stone all join in the washed-out capers. Best bit is undoubtedly The Wurzels’ theme song, a typically ruddy-cheeked celebration of British holidaymaking, Give Me England Every Time My Dear, in which the cheery trio unfavourably compare the nookie content of foreign holidays past (“In nineteen seven-ty, we went to Ita-lee/To sample all the delights down in Napoli”/”Haaar haaar haaaar!”) with the good honest “birds and the booze” of an English summer. It’s every bit as good as you’d expect.

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