TV Cream

A bit of business

The sounds of TV Cream

Commercially manufactured noises have already been dealt with. What about those non-musical, non-vocal sounds that should be recognised for somehow forever embodying an aural dose of Creamage?

For starters:

The sticky crackle of a coloured page being prised apart from a black-and-white page in a copy of Radio Times.

The clunk-thunk of the lock when pulling shut an external door from the inside of Inter-City 125.

Early morning birdsong combined with the purr of the electric battery in a milkfloat.

The low, warm hum of an overhead projector.

The indeterminate murmur of a radio station lightly clouded in a fog of static on the Medium Wave.

A guiro being scraped in a primary school assembly hall.

The ping of a bell attached to the front door of a corner shop.

Repeated strikes of the ignition inside a Calor Gas heater.

A bean bag being sat upon.

The click of a trundle wheel being pushed around a playground.

Any more?




  1. Mister Scatchard

    April 3, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    The crispy sound of two sheets of school duplicating paper and the creak of the duplicator crank handle.

  2. Mister Scatchard

    April 3, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    The calming sound of a descant recorder

  3. Mister Scatchard

    April 3, 2009 at 12:38 pm

    The popping sound of a roll of caps having a stone dragged across them. The grinding whir of a flint activated sparking raygun. The low buzzing noise of the bottom button of Han Solo’s pistol.

  4. Mister Scatchard

    April 3, 2009 at 12:42 pm

    The sound of cellulose paper being scratched with an HB pencil placing the real Starbuck and a proper Cylon onto the bridge on the back of a box of Shreddies.

  5. Mister Scatchard

    April 3, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    The creak of Polystyrene wings being pushed through a Polystyrene fuselage as a replica world war 2 fighter glider is prepped for it’s maiden flight.

  6. Arthur Nibble

    April 3, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    The rustle of waxy paper as you unwrap a Black Jack, Fruit Salad, Lemfizz or Anglo Bubbly.

  7. Waterhouse

    April 4, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    The scrape of the flat wooden spoon against the cardboard of an ice cream tub as the last melting drops of ice cream are scooped up. The fizz-crackle-spit of a bonfire night sparkler; the clack-clak-clak of the masher as it is banged against the saucepan to shake off the clinging potato; the therrh-therrh-therrh of your breath and the expanding rubber of a balloon as you blow it up; and the clack-clack-clack of a playing card pegged to your bike frame as it hits against the revolving spokes of the back wheel.

  8. Arthur Nibble

    April 5, 2009 at 1:03 am

    How about the clack-clack-clack of a pair of Clackers?

  9. diz

    April 5, 2009 at 1:55 am

    the click-THUD as the blue ball is rattled into the middle pocket with enough power to take the white into a cluster of reds

  10. Frankie

    April 5, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    the ‘brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-bip’ sound of a ZX Spectrum loading a game

  11. diz

    April 5, 2009 at 4:45 pm

    the hiss of 70s film audio

  12. Mark Wright

    April 6, 2009 at 1:00 am

    The chuck… …chuck… …chuck… …chuck… of an empty Amiga 500 disk drive… chuck…

  13. DC Jellyneck

    April 6, 2009 at 5:42 am

    The satisfying twang of a wooden ruler over the edge of a school desk.

    The squawk from blowing a blade of grass between the thumbs.

    Armpit farts.

  14. Leo

    April 6, 2009 at 6:15 am

    The slow, soft ripping noise of a mis-positioned Panini sticker being peeled from the wafer-thin pages of the Mexico ’86 album.

    The “pnunk-frrrr” of a needle-sharp red straw being stabbed through the top of a cup of Calypso orange squash.

    The dejected thump of any toy with suction cups falling off the wall/window/car door on which it had been carefuly placed

  15. Leo

    April 6, 2009 at 6:31 am

    The defeated slap of an Aerobie landing on the flat roof of a temporary classroom.

    The shrill scrape of the rivets on the back pocket of a pair of Levi corduroys running down the length of a metal playground slide.

    The crunchy avalanche of a box of assorted Lego pieces being turned onto the carpet for a rainy Sunday.

  16. TV Cream

    April 6, 2009 at 8:42 am

    These are fantastic. Cheers folks, keep them coming. This might even be the germ of a feature for the website.

  17. Adrian

    April 6, 2009 at 10:20 am

    The roaring sound of an old oil fired boiler firing up on a cold winter’s morning;

    The squeek of footsteps in powder snow on a cold winters morning;

    The whining sound of a BL card attempting to start on a cold winters morning;

    The clattering sound of a mechanical till recording a transaction;

    The spluttering sound of a steam engine rushing by one’s back garden on a hot summers day;

    The warbling sound of a Trimphone ringing;

    The harsh sound of a analogue dialphone ringing;

    The garbled sound of a station announcement coming over an ancient tannoy;

    The sound of a telephone ringing over a works tannoy;

    The humming sound from an electrical sub station on a hot summers day;

  18. Frankie

    April 6, 2009 at 6:39 pm

    An ice-cream van playing ‘Greensleeves’ too fast a couple of streets over

  19. Emma

    April 6, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    The fretful bee-in-a-biscuit-tin whine of (a) the spotty teenager from two doors’ up’s crappy moped or (b) an Evil Knievel stunt bike being wound up.

  20. Leo

    April 7, 2009 at 3:02 am

    The scrunchy phuttt of a hacky sack being kicked by the instep of a Dunlop Green Flash

    The adhesive thuuucccck of a new pair of Clark’s Commandos on hot playground asphalt during a June lunch break

    The salty splintering of two incisors biting into a Smiths Scampi Fry

  21. Leo

    April 7, 2009 at 5:04 am

    The bleak suburban clank as the metal buckles of a hundred Head hold-alls hit the steel baggage carousel at Luton Airport

    The twwwwwwwwwhhhhttt of a ball of chewed bus ticket being fired from the barrel of a Bic biro

    The frustrated, crackly scrape of roller skates on a rogue patch of gravel

  22. diz

    April 7, 2009 at 11:23 am

    the crackle of electricity on a frosty overhead cable

    the hum of the vidiprinter as someone scores in the 84th minute for Merthyr Tydfil against Stalybridge Celtic (HAT-TRICK)

    the clunk that reveals today’s. countdown. conundrum.

    the hollow metallic clunk of ball on car door just before a street kickabout is swiftly abandoned

  23. Richard

    April 7, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    The alarmingly alien and unexpectedly hollow explosions of Space Dust between tongue and palate.

  24. Frankie

    April 7, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    The squeak of an Adidas Kick sole on a varnished sports hall floor

    The smack of a Mitre Mouldmaster on bare thigh

  25. Frankie

    April 7, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    The sound of the TV/Video cart being wheeled into a classroom

  26. Leo

    April 8, 2009 at 7:13 am

    The sonorous plastic-metal twang as a Matchbox Burnin’ Key Car is released by a squeeze of thumb and forefinger

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  28. diz

    April 8, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    The repetitive loud clicks of football boots being cleaned on the outside wall of a changing room

  29. Leo

    April 10, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    The strained sticcato clacker and muted polymer twang of a Rubik’s Magic being completed in under four seconds by the kid who probably works nowadays for a bent hedge fund

  30. Jimfoz

    April 24, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    – The ‘Doooo-Duh’ sound of an Acorn BBC being started up at school – usually to play Chuckie Egg instead of some Mathematical programme

    – The metallic ‘Rauw-Rauw’ of the dog on the Tony Blackburn show as he asked how its weekend was

    – The laborious wirr and clunk of a Ford Sierra Ghia electric window lifter as you threw sweet wrappers out on the motorway – then the uncomfortable feel in everyone’s eardrums as 90mph winds ‘womp, womp, womp’ around the car interior.

  31. redbeefy

    May 2, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    The metal/plastic clunk and sproing of a top-loading VCR ejecting a casette.

    The damp cardboard ripping of a Sherbet Fountain tube being made shorter so you can get to the powder in the bottom.

    The pop of the lid of a virgin Smartie tube.Conversely, the breathy burst of the same lid as you blow it out of the empty tube from the other end.

    The crack of those little twists of gunpowder filled paper, that were packaged in small, sawdust filled boxes and sold in joke shops.

    The creak of an old Action Man.

    “Operation” buzz.

    “Kerplunk’s” kerplunk!

    The scratch of an etch-a sketch.

    The static crackle from pulling an LP from the white internal protective sleeve.

    The sharp hammering grab of a Clipper Card being utilised.

  32. redbeefy

    May 3, 2009 at 4:48 pm

    And some more….

    That cheer when the British Board of Film Censors card comes on the screen with the name of the film on it.

    The tick-tick-tick from the pedals when you are free-wheeling a Grifter.

    The slightly metallic “phang” of a Space Hopper bouncing against concrete.

    Pulling off a ring-pull. One of the old ones, that came right off!

    The rustle of the orange transparent paper on a Lucozade bottle.

    The crank of a handheld bus ticket machine.

    The siren in the swimming pool to tell you that it was your colours turn to get out.

    The disappointing rattle of ice-cubes rolling round solidly in a Mr Freeze slush making machine.

    The pac-man start up tune. “Deedle-eedle-ee-De,Deedle-eedle-ee-De,Deedle-eedle-ee-De, durdle-urdle-urdle-urdle!”

    The snap of silly putty.

    Ripping open an envelope of Panini Stickers.

    The last slurp of a Kia-ora.

    The claxon that goes off when your carriage bangs through the double doors on a Ghost Train.

    The clunk when the LP drops down the spindle onto the turntable.and the two seconds of crackle before the music starts.

    The slightly jauntier tone taken by BBC announcers as the childrens programmes started.

    The whiney beep that accompanied the white dot at the end of a telly day.

    The sticky squeak of bare legs on leather sofas.

    The bubbly farty noise that signifies the end of a can of Hair Mousse.

    The glassy grind of a bag of marbles being squeezed.

    The ker-chunk of a ViewMaster rotating to the next slide.

    The first distant firework of October.

    The scrape of many chairs on floors at the end of a school day.

    The ding of the bell that accompanied a Bus Stopping sign on the top deck.

    Breaking into an Easter Egg.

    The rattle and plop of your weekly comic being delivered.

  33. Thunderbird5

    May 19, 2009 at 6:21 am

    The whup-ker-whup of the ancient family cat coming in through the cat flap.

    The sudden rawr-whoosh of distant-dopplered reverse thrust when a jet engine lands at the airport 5 miles away.

    The boof of two dusty blackboard erasers being bashed together.

    The sound of old carpet being ripped up from the tack-strip.

    The soft hollowness of rain on the greenhouse.

    Kraftwerkesque change of tarmac/wheel echo when going under a motorway bridge.

    The walla-walla of blokey gutterals released whenever the door to the tile-lined Public Bar swung open.

    The squeek, rattle and bing of the classic Fisher Price babies activity board

  34. Glenn A

    July 9, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    The humming noise emitted from a valve television if it was switched off at the on/off switch but not at the mains( got louder the longer it was left on before occasionally catching fire).
    The nee- naw sirens used by the emergency services and the single nipple like blue light used on police cars.
    The GMT signal used before news bulletins on the radio

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