Posts Tagged With 'The subject of this evening’s homework'

Open University

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HAROLD WILSON’S “University Of The Air” put down roots in the overspill tundra of Milton Keynes and quickly spread across Sunday mornings in a riot of impenetrable symbols, magnetic boards with graphs on them, beards, lapels and that avant garde trumpetty theme. Professors of the less than telegenic likes of ALAN SOLOMON, MIKE PENTZ, JOY MANNERS and the legendary STUART FREAKE became household faces, and two decades of easy cultural laughs began. Still, a Sunday morning in with the OU, though often well nigh impenetrable, compared favourably with the offerings on the other two channels (MORNING WORSHIP, GETTING ON, LE JOURNAL FRANCAIS).

Your TVC OU course handbook:

The Arts and Humanities – Most often someone stood in front of a modernist painting, talking about it. Quite often the same painting for the entire half-hour (though the Old Masters and Florentine architecture were often served up, too, their antiquity signified by a blast of crumhorn-led Early Music). Sometimes Clement Greenberg, the Lester Bangs of the art-crit set, was interviewed about Pollock while smoking like it was going out of fashion. Speaking of which, 70s fashions were kept in the background in these shows, which means the OU felt they can still get away with screening them as late as 1998 without too many twentysomethings pissing themselves.

Sociology – In terms of unfair “that’s not a proper subject” cheap gags, sociology was to the 70s what media studies is these days. The OU, needless to say, got some in. One course in particular made no attempt to hide its political agenda. Over an animated proto-HIGNFY title sequence, a Tom Robinson type plaintively warbled, “We socialise and we vandalise/We lock the sane away/Politicians’ policies/Keep changing every day…” It’s stuff like this that led Margaret Thatcher to rage: “The OU? They’re all a bunch of Marxists, and anyone with an O-level in Divinity can get a degree.”

Mathematics – Now we’re talking. The backbone of the OU weekend schedules, these programmes provided the definitive beard-in-front-of-equations cliche that kept Jasper Carrott in back-up routines for decades. And, truth be told, the no-nonsense presentation did, for the most part, look like that. A bit of Radiophonic musique concrete heralded Block IV, Module 2 of Graphs, Networks and Design, and you were straight into the animated diagrams, old BBC weather forecast-style stick-on magnetic sums, and quiet, unmodulated vocal delivery. Sometimes they jazzed it up with a location shoot, a bit of chumminess (cue the OU’s very own Ian McCaskill, Alan Solomon – “well, I don’t know about you, but working that lot out seems rather daunting!”) or some weird chromakey-related concept (eg. presenters shrunk to BACKYARD SAFARI size to play about with enormous models of conic sections). Solomon and US chum Mike Pentz spent many a happy Saturday mid-morning together using trigonometry to work out where a chopped down fir tree would fall (well, there were very few public amenities in MK at the time). Sunday lunchtime saga Mathematical Models and Methods even cribbed the GREAT EGG RACE format, though two teams using calculus to work out where best to fit a lamp on a bicycle was pure bewilderment for audiences switching over from BLIZZARD’S WONDERFUL WOODEN TOYS.

Science – As with maths, really, but with added gravity (in the literal sense, at least). The optics course was one programme that stood out, as it came with a ‘home experiment kit’, delivered to the student’s door in a huge crate, and full of hi-tech goodies (“I bet the first thing you unpacked was the laser!” drooled the lecturer). At the other end of the scale, dated forays into the world of IT (“the House of Fraser’s computer covers 500 square feet, and can store up to one ‘mega-byte’ of pricing information”) and examinations of the bizarre, boxy solar-heated houses and wind turbines that were MK’s initial stock-in-trade, provided a bit of anachronistic amusement before they were noticed and replaced. Stuart ‘Super’ Freake was the presenter to watch out for.

Odds and sods – Open Advice was a rather dull general queries programme, often presented by Howard ‘Teacher’ Stableford, detailing the drab-looking “summer schools” during which students would actually all meet up in MK, drink cheap red wine and attend seminars, just like a real college. An odd programme that seemed to be on all the time involved a bloke dressed up as a fairground owner explaining the perils of running a small business while riding a rollercoaster. What course was that, exactly? In the 90s, as The Learning Zone heralded a makeover and the ’78-vintage shows were mostly replaced with newer, fresher programmes, a few oddities still managed to get through – the famous Hotel Hilbert : a comic, dramatised exploration of infinity with Susannah ‘Dead Donkey’ Doyle checks in at Patrick ‘Brent’ Barlow’s infinite hotel; Traps, and How to Get Out of Them: a truly odd programme consisting of Carol ‘Playschool’ Leader and some bloke acting out circular discussions about how to get out of a room, whether she fancies him and, finally, whether the programme itself has been any good or not, all to what educational purpose we can but guess; and of course those perennial midnight schedule fillers, What Have the ’60s/’70s/’80s Ever Done For Us? and Bach: 48 Preludes and Fugues, both of which occasionally rear up if there’s nothing from BBC4 to show instead.

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Book Tower, The

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"Hello.""Harry Sullivan is an imbercile!"
READING-IS-FUN ENDEAVOUR which wasn’t set in a tower and didn’t show many books. Famous faces took turns to recite tall tales to camera a bit like JACKANORY only less po-faced. DR WHO did it for a while, before STEPHEN MOORE took over in 1982, providing a less harrowing introduction to the likes of Tom’s Midnight Garden and Not Now, Bernard. Then ALUN ARMSTRONG ascended the steps in ’84, swiftly followed the year after by NEIL INNES, capably interviewing the ageing writer of the Green Knowe books, Lucy Boston. Still, the Tom Baker era is forever associated with the programme: that unnerving kids-in-stately-home-hiding-behind-sliding-panels-and-being-spied-on-by-scary-man atmosphere. Continual references to something called the Book Tower Watcher’s Guide, which we’re pretty sure no-one ever bothered with.

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Science Workshop

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DESPITE HAVING a Beebed-up version of Pink Floyd’s ‘Time’ for the theme, accompanied by a cartoon elephant jumping on a triangle, this two-man one-woman schools physics show was fair enough. Presenters: DAVID HARGREAVES (the hairy bloke off the “Ted!” Yellow Pages adverts), MALCOLM (who couldn’t get a Science Workshop jumper) and LINDA. Notable for the interplay between the three – senior, kindly David, keen but hapless Malcolm, and “bit of tottie” Linda (OK, not so progressive after all), and the classic Christmas edition featuring a bauble factory and Linda’s snazzy metallic ballgown. Even indulged in end-of-series “outtakes” banter. Malcolm did get a jumper in the end but its head hole was missing.

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Professor Lobster

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ODDBEAT ODDMENT of a kids’ semi-educational series about building and architecture. Professor Ken Martin from The Royal Institute of British Architects was your bristling titular boffin, arriving in an battered red mini with crappy lobster claws stuck on the doors to teach a group of kids the rudiments of the building trade, then getting them to mix concrete in the studio. Latterday impact on redevelopment of 21st century brownfield sites unknown.

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Pond Life

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BRINGING UP the rear in the FERGUS O’KELLY voice-over triumverate (behind MATHS TOPICS and EXPERIMENT!) came this this steady-but-sure dragonfly/tadpole/frogstravaganza on good old 16mm.

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Chemistry in Action

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ONE OF THE EERIEST programmes ever. This secondary schools’ science show was a straightforward affair, featuring no more than a man in a white coat performing experiments in a non-descript blue room, a short film of Sellafield or some such installation, animated graphs and the soft tones of Jack Smith. That simple. This led to long periods of silence, often provoking conversation at the back of the class. Each experiment seemed to be timed using a distinctive beige clock with hooks coming out of the side. And the teacher probably made you do the experiment afterwards, for added realism with clock. The spookiness of the show was reinforced by the lack of music over the credits – you had to sit there in silence until “Produced and Narrated by Jack Smith” then “Granada Colour Production” came up. Sorely missed.

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Capricorn Game

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OBSCURE-AS-EVER EDUCATIONAL shenanegains with cutout animation Mr. Capricorn directing a middle-aged live action couple around various provincial suburban locations in the name of basic mathematics. Had a magic umbrella. Was a clever fella. You can see the level we’re working at, here.

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Basic Maths

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SIR FRED HARRIS makes his first proper appearance in our A-Z, here presiding over an agreeably strange maths show. In-studio chats mixed to schoolkids on location, but the best bits were the abstract animations on topics like binary notation, area and geometry, played out to the off-kilter prog-blues of seventies maverick composer RON GEESIN.

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Carrie’s War

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UBIQUITOUS SCHOOL reading homework, here condensed into more agreeable half hour portions, charting exploits (or lack of them) of titular evacuee and brother Nick forced to move from Adolf-menaced London to old woman-menaced Welsh hamlet called (is someone laughing at the back?) Druid’s Bottom. Lots of grizzled and grim pensioners abound. One is called Mrs Gotobed. Another is Mr Sandwich. Children frustrated by vaguely sinister rules like only using the stairs once a day for fear of wearing out the carpet. Threat of something other-worldly never far away. Old skull knocking around suggest at least one present is a witch. Not a lot happened, but at the time it was the most expensive kids drama the Beeb had ever done and pretty much set the bar for everything that followed.

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Mathscore One/Two

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WHEREAS HERE we get the complete opposite: maths with, hey, a football twist! ROGER SLOMAN was manager of some made-up side or other, helming sketches about square numbers, scale factors, stacking tins in shops and that old chess board with grains of rice paradox. Different series for different colour-coded SMP boxes.

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Maths Topics

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AGAIN WITH the adding, and as the title suggests a far more sombre affair than the previous two. Animated diagrams demystify trigonometry and statistics with a profusion of yellow-on-brown stencils. Once more, an ace theme tune (what was it with school maths shows and superlative title music?) FERGUS O’KELLY did the voice.

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Voyagers!

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RUBBISH PSEUDO-EDUCATIONAL time travellry with some fuckers called Phineas Bogg (ha!) and Jeffrey Jones traipsing aound various (American) historical events, and learning…well, sod all. Purported to “fix” parts of history that had somehow gone wrong, a procedure which inexplicably meant characters such as Lincoln and Aristotle meeting up.

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Living and Growing

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PENNY WHITTHAM was your first guide, mentor and studiously-unflappable narrator of this long-running, unchanging schools’ biology work-out, which by ’69 had moved to the unlikely source of Grampian Television, and began tackling the ever-thorny subject of sex education. Friday 11th April was the momentous date when, at the safe-enough time of half-past midnight, Alec Taylor summarised the main points of the programme with Dr KJ Dennis. “This preview gives parents a chance to prepare themselves for what their children will see on Sunday and looks at the questions the children may ask about sex.” Then, on Sunday 13th, at 10.40am, the taboo was finally broached. “The outstanding characteristics of the series are its clarity, simplicity and complete lack of embarrassment giving a useful starting point to families who want to discuss sex frankly.” Each fifteen-minute programme was preceeded by a similar late-night preview – no risks taken here. By May we were “Setting sex in a total context”. Then in 1977 Thames took over, and it was STANLEY MITCHELL’s turn to take over from the good doctor in the unembarrassed stakes. The final version in 1984 had SARAH “GAME FOR A LAUGH” KENNEDY demonstrating birth by pushing a doll down a piece of drainpipe.

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Mathshow

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WHEN WILL it end? This was pretty decent fare, actually, and the nearest you got to Johnny Ball in school hours. A veritable pot pourri of mathematical animations and sketches, including a square (the pipes of CHARLES “WORDY” COLLINGWOOD) talking to a circle, a character called Des Cartes, and of course the DOCTOR HOW? mini-series wherein serial moonlighter TONY HUGHES dressed up as Tom Baker and “solved” various maths-related phenomena, eg. an invisible boundary line in a park which makes portions of paper plates disappear, or when the laws of probability get all fucked up and when they (for instance) cut up a newspaper and read words at random, a la David Bowie, it still made perfect sense (pas a la David Bowie). Mainly written by Alex Glasgow, who, in between chairing SCENE-style discussion shows for General Studies kids, would resurface as..

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Maths File

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MORE NUMBER-CRUNCHING, this time going for the hey-kids-it’s-fun angle with comedy incompetent police inspector Fred Newton (a moonlighting TONY ‘MATHSHOW’ HUGHES) of the Number Squad purpoting to solve unlikely simple maths-related crimes along with standard does-all-the-real-solving sidekick WPC Susan Jones (JACQUELINE CLARKE) and cleaning lady played by her off CITIZEN SMITH. Explained the notion of scale by inviting the inspector to a public information film with sets (brick wall and chalk) multiplied by a factor of ten.

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Maths-In-A-Box

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TYNESIDE FOLK SINGER ALEX GLASGOW was the unlikely man behind this educational affair, bashed out in the white heat of progressive schools programming, where oddness and music took precedence over log tables and grammar. Hence these programmes had a weird, disorientating atmosphere which proved too much for some easily-bewildered kids, but rather that than the monumental tedium of previous watch-and-copy-this-down endeavours. This was ostensibly a “comedy adventure series” dealing with slightly more basic concepts and starring two bog-standard kids who find a mysterious “dice”, from which emerges a babbling, op-art-clothed, P’tweean alien bloke called Powkah, who despite having mastered interstellar travel and dimensional compression has trouble counting up to ten. The kids then take him all over the place (i.e. cheap locations in the south of England) via a suspiciously TARDIS-like “box” to teach all manner of basic mathematical and physical stuff. Plus there was an annoying computer (voiced by the writer) who sang songs of similar educational persuasion. Kids and Pow went in and out of the craft by grasping the old man’s “Truestock” (a sort of plastic blunt dagger with the numbers one to twenty written down the side for easy reference) and chanting “ticky-ticky-tox, out of (into) the box!” followed by a standard Rentaghost dematerialisation.

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Make it Count

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A WELCOME re-appearance for LORD FRED HARRIS, here hosting a way-better-than-those-BBC-efforts adult numeracy knockabout with the help of a six-foot-high calculator, “on loan from the British Army Pay Corps”. What a wag.

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Maths Counts

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NO-NONSENSE NUMERICAL school business distinguished from fantasy-led MATHS-IN-A-BOX by dint of urban locations and (relatively) gritty realism. ARTHUR ENGLISH, ROY KINNEAR and others struggled with calculators, timetables, estimates and an ace burbling electro theme tune.

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Wonder Why

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EDUCATIONAL SERIES featuring a talking, poorly-operated puppet skeleton whose eyes lit up teaching Canadian kids about the body. The show was hosted by weatherman Richard Zurawski, produced in Nova Scotia and inexplicably exported all over the world for other kids to see and puzzle over. The skeleton was named Bonaparte (get it? bone-apart). Nope, ee didn’t think it was particularly funny either. Regularly featured little kids being amazed by the water cycle, how hurricanes form, and all other science-oriented stuff.

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Watch

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GENERAL STUDIES for kids. Each term they had a different theme (eg India, the Crusades, Robinson Crusoe). Usually in charge were JAMES EARL-ADAIR and LOUISE HALL-TAYLOR, although the man/woman pairing changed frequently. Jolly piccolo and percussion theme and morphing plasticine titles (“Watch!” was the only lyric, spoken with vim and vigour at the start of the ninth bar).

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