Posts Tagged With 'Oh no – satire!'

U-turn (off) if you want to: 10 TV shows that summed up Thatcher

Posted in Cream over Britain by TV Cream | No Comments »

The ladie's not for tuning (in properly)

Her favourite programmes were Miss Marple, anything with Paul Daniels, and the Fairy Liquid adverts. Oh, and this. But that was about it. By all accounts television did not loom large in the world of Margaret Hilda Thatcher. But she loomed large in television. She inspired, diluted, bisected, mystified, enraged, enraptured and cocooned it.

An awful lot of television tried to bait or decry her, utterly misunderstanding that such responses only made her stronger. Wiser heads reduced her to the equivalence of a coat hanger. Other shows absorbed and reflected wisps of Mrs Thatcher: her personality, her obsessions, even her attitude. It’s those shows we’re concerned with here: the ones that summed up Mrs Thatcher without necessarily being about her, or even mentioning her. She probably didn’t know any of the following TV programmes existed (including the one in which she appeared). But she wouldn’t have had it any other way.

10. Think It… Do It

You could tell something was a bit up with the world whenever Johnny Ball lowered his voice. Serious stuff was about to happen. He was going to tell us about real life. And in Think It… Do It, he was going to tell us about JOBS. Because there weren’t that many in the 1980s any more, or so Professor Phil Redmond wanted you to think, and so it was up to us, together with the good folk at Manpower Services with their Youth Training Schemes, to get off our arses. Had we thought about the financial sector? What about information technology? Look at this film about a day in the life of an apprentice in a processing laboratory. Come on, Mrs Thatcher once did experiments with ice cream, y’know!

"You've done it again, Lovejoy!"9. Lovejoy

Anyone could make it in the 80s. You just needed the right sartorial signature (jacket and jeans for him, tarpaulin-sized blouson for her), a shady past, a way with words, contacts including a dandied loon and hapless klutz, and a nemesis in the shape of Those Ghastly Men On The Town Planning Council.

There was always money to be found in the land of Lovejoy, where toffs and tearaways rubbed shoulders in the pursuit of wealth, and interest rates were as flat as the Norfolk Broads. This was a world where the sun never set before somewhere a little old lady had been persuaded to divest of a bit of her portfolio. “Well Maggie, it seems you were right all along!”

8. 4 What It’s Worth

Thanks to Nationwide, shoppers became “consumers” just in time for the biggest stock-keeper of them all to trip into Downing Street. But now that we were consumers, we also had Rights. And we had to know them, in order to work our the best deals for ourselves, rather than merely relying on a bit of cardboard announcing “2p off” a pack of United chocolate bars. Watchdog took care of the big stuff with its big exposes and big novelty cheques. 4 What It’s Worth did everything else: dodgy second-hand car dealers, the best buys of blended whiskies, and how to fill in a form to buy British Gas shares. All the bits of Thatcherism that got under your fingernails, basically.

From head to foot-se7. Business Daily

Launched with a big bang just one month before the big crash, here the fag-end of the Thatcher decade was tallied, bartered and flogged. Achingly public service from Channel 4, in that it didn’t really serve anybody, especially the public, it glowered at you at lunchtimes and, from 1989, breakfast times too. “From head to foot-se.” HAHAHAHA!

Still, many of us unwittingly absorbed, osmosis-like, a fleeting awareness of such things as PEPs and TESSAs from this and its later tea-and-toast rival, BBC Business Breakfast. Remit-fulfilling roughage at its rawest.

6. See For Yourself

A gigantic, cross-Corporation, “well, if you MUST” exercise that marked the culmination of the Beeb’s decade-long do-si-do with No 10. Once a year Sue Lawley let us peek inside Auntie’s innards and have a good poke about, being sure to remind us that the sofa from the 1988 Olympics was now being used on Jim’ll Fix It, while Esther Rantzen’s frocks were the same ones she’d been sashaying in since 1972. It was oh so important to know the cost of everything, you see. Is 16p a day really too much to ask?

Martin in the middle (management)5. The Krypton Factor

Your indispensable introduction to that most pre-eminent of 1980s breeds: middle management. For most of us, this was the first time we’d heard of, let alone seen, people who called themselves a “sales specialist” or “property consultant”.

And the fact this was happening while they competed against each other in the most dazzlingly competitive competitions in which it was possible to compete, popped the Krypton Factor into a Thatcher-esque hole (“a multi-dimensional hole made from perspex building blocks,” whispers Gordon Burns) from which it’s never really emerged.

Hawk? Aye!4. The Interceptor

More middle management types, this time strutting around England (never the UK) in primary coloured-jumpsuits trying to stop an evil meddler from getting his hands on their cash.

Everyone could see what all this really meant. Yes: Annabel Croft was poor substitute for Anneka Rice while the bloke in the giant coat who screamed like a hawk was a knob. But oh, didn’t those aerial shots look lovely? The countryside was so much NICER then.

3. Press Gang

Before Thatcher, kids spent their free time befriending urchins who lived on shitheaps, pretending they were still fighting the war, or living on a double-decker bus. After a decade of Thatcher, kids wanted to spend their free time WORKING. Preferably for MONEY. The fact they seemed to have such a wise-cracking, sensitively-lit, heart-fluttering time doing it just made it all the more impossibly attractive. Here was our very own junior Margaret and Willie.

Great Scott!2. The Clothes Show

Take one of the nation’s most famous female faces: trend-setter, tabloid darling, opinion former and style icon. Then ignore her and hire Selina Scott instead.

Still, at least Sarah Greene outran both Selina and Maggie. Plus she did that Clothes Show knock-off for a bit, Posh Frocks and New Trousers, which would probably count as even MORE of a Thatcher-era-defining effort were it not itself a knock-off of Frocks on The Box (look: the very first shot is champagne corks popping!). Plus the theme tune isn’t a patch on In The Night. But then what is?

1. Saturday Superstore

For positively the finest snapshot of absolutely everything to do with the Thatcher era, clear a three-hour-and-15-minute gap in your Saturday morning and watch an entire edition of this: a shambling, shimmering, shouty shop window of a show, thrown open for business once a week by the Captain Peacock of mid-80s morning entertainment, Mike Read.

What have we done to deserve this?Gone was the shabby, oh-so-70s, make-do-and-mend, dowdy idea of “swapping” one thing for another. This was a Store, not a Shop. Moreover, a SUPERstore. And Mike was your “store manager”, one part Norman St John Stevas, one part Ken Masters.

This was an over-lit, over-stuffed and overdone stew of a programme, but you lapped it up, because everyone important was on it, and it looked like they were having the best of times. Yes, even Maggie herself, and there was no finer stamp of approval than that.

In a Completely Unconnected and Coincidental Fact, Mrs Thatcher’s most pervasive, not-for-turning era spanned precisely the same years as Saturday Superstore. Presumably she sent Mike a Gyngell-style letter of commiseration when he got dumped for Going Live.

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Big Noely is Watching You

Posted in Cream over Britain by TV Cream | No Comments »

Let's go... on the box!

VETERAN ENTERTAINER AND BUSINESS TYCOON Noel Edmonds, 63, popped up on YouTube the other week to deliver an unexpectedly tart state-of-the-nation address.

Taped in what appeared to be a long cupboard, or possibly one corner of a parish rectory, Noel explained his recent behaviour in first tracking down and then giving a stern talking to the person behind a recent “Kill Noel Edmonds” campaign on Facebook.

It was vintage Edmonds: embracing something in order to decry it; framing his actions as a consequence of being “involved in TV and radio for over 40 years”, and likening himself to a United Nations weapons inspector.

But perhaps the most intriguing thing to emerge from the two-and-a-half minute oration was the news that Noel employs a company to patrol the internet hunting down anything and anyone that is talking about him.

The first thing to say to that is: hello! Thanks for looking in!

We hope that, whoever and whatever you are, you believe like us that Telly Addicts was great up to the last series, and that the bit in Noel’s House Party when Jon Pertwee showed up and said “I heard he was thick – I thought they were talking about his waist!” is the best non-canonical Dr Who episode ever.

Cosmic ordering not picturedBut the next thing to say to that is: hang on. The idea of, in Noel’s words, using a company to “monitor the internet and social networking” sounds, how shall we say it, a bit… Orwellian.

Sure, Noel doesn’t “engage in social media” – presumably the same way he doesn’t “engage” in public transport or licence fee-paying.

But isn’t there some Pilate-esque hand-washing going on here?

Now, we’re the last once-popular nostalgia-obsessed sporadically-updated website who wants some sort of Noel Edmonds imposter riding around the country in unofficially-branded helicopters and winnebagos promoting cosmic ordering.

Yet is this really the best use of the time of the company in question, which exists, as far as we can tell, principally to tackle the cyber bullying of people who don’t own £1.7 million Grade II-listed manor houses in Devon?

Forgive us sounding confrontational, oh spies of Noel, but words can be weapons. Oh yes. And to paraphrase the man himself, like all weapons they can be used for bad as well as good.

Actually Noel, if you could offer us an example of a “good” weapon, we’d most be most grateful – especially as you are a man who says they “don’t like confrontation” and who believes “in conciliation and mediation.”

Anyway, thank heavens something like YouTube exists so that someone like Noel doesn’t have to worry about having 40 years’ radio and television experience and can, like any of us, post up a video of themselves talking in front of someone’s sideboard.

Don’t worry, officers of the Noel police, we’re don’t want our hero dead! We just don’t want stars like him thinking they know all about social media just because they’ve read a dossier about it, or met a person who has been on the internet. Because those stars might then want to try and control it, in the way in which they control so many things. And that really would be an absolute disaster for society!

Remember: responsible use of Noel Edmonds is absolutely vital for life in Britain.

See one, feel one, touch one...

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No 100 – Sir Richard Stilgoe

Posted in The TVC 100 by TV Cream | 1 Comment »

WELCOME TO OUR COUNTDOWN OF a hundred actors, broadcasters, comedians and sundries who loosely shelter under the tarpaulin we’re calling The One Hundred Greatest Cream-Related People Of All Time.

We’re saluting those who we think have done a body of work during the official TV Cream era of 1967-97 (from the birth of Radio 1 to the death of Diana) that particularly merits acclaim. These placings have been decided by TV Cream alone and there’s absolutely nothing scientific about this. Quite the reverse, in fact.

Readers of TV Cream’s weekly mailout Creamguide will notice something familiar about this feature. Yup, we’re stealing the content outright and reproducing it here, tarted up with a few gestures towards multimedia and one or two gigantic colour snaps. But don’t worry, you’ll still get to read the latest chart placings in the mailout first. No “web-only exclusives” here.

Anyway, let’s clear our throat with…

LThe man who voted "don't know" in the election

This is going to be some ride, as you can tell. We start with the erstwhile High Sheriff of Surrey whose way with a witty lyric shuttled him to stardom in the seventies.

Footlights, cabaret and writing A Class By Himself starring John le Mesurier, surely the only sitcom ever made by HTV West, led RICHARD STILGOE to surely his most famous gig, joining the team of Nationwide. Stilgoe’s main role was to helm the Consumer Unit, where he’d fill us in on how much stamps had gone up (“Now someone may no longer be able to afford to send a letter to a loved one”), get people with six people on one hand a free calculator and basically document the collapse of the British economy through song.

His most notable ditty was A Statuary Right Of Entry To Your Home where a gaggle of Stilgoes, via the magic of CSO, explained exactly who you were obliged to let through your front door (“I am a police-maaan!”), though there was also I’ve Got To Stop You There, which featured contributions from all the regional pre senters (“But Stuart Hall in Manchester, he gets the whole thing wrong/He just says Shut up Minister, you’ve gone on far too long”). And Bowie and Jagger couldn’t get it together on Live Aid.

His ‘wide role saw him get gigs on a number of other shows, including an appearance on Swap Shop where he was challenged to write a song about that day’s show before it finished, and his memorable Election 79 appearance singing the results:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7juXEvyjT0

Next came his own teatime miscellany And Now The Good News which mixed gags and songs about only the nice bits of the week’s news, which must have been a tough job during the Winter of Discontent.

His whimsical approach was highly popular, though sending up the devolution campaign apparently attracted the ire of Scottish viewers. Sadly the revamped serious Nationwide had no space for a minstrel, though he came back for the last one, but Stilgoe still had plenty of gigs, especially on kids TV where he chaired (and performed the theme tune to, live) quiz game Finders Keepers and hobby miscellany Stilgoe’s On (a great name) including instructing the nation’s children how to tie a tie.

He also moonlighted with occasional stints as one of Esther’s nancies on That’s Life and as a particularly anagrammatic guardian of the dictionary on Countdown:

Life Stilgoe's on Giscard O'Hitler and chums

Later when the telly work dried up still further he went off on tour with another supplier of musical whimsy in Peter Skellern, and he’s still doing that today. He still pops up on radio from time to time, such as this memorable contribution to an edition of The Now Show in 2007, and he also gives half his earnings to charity, so hooray for him.

THE DEFINING ROLE: It’s got to be his role as guardian of the Nationwide postbag, including his role in solving the mystery of letters postmarked 1861. It was, er, just 1981 upside down.

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David Cameron’s ‘war on gangs’: a TV Cream exclusive

Posted in Cream over Britain by TV Cream | 1 Comment »

Many of us here at TV Cream Towers have been just as shocked as you at recent events in the news.

We were especially unsettled by one outburst that generated hundreds of headlines and led many news bulletins.

That’s right: David Cameron declaring “all-out war” on gangs.

So alarmed were we at the prime minister’s determination to go into battle with one of the most enduring, not to say ubiquitous motifs of British culture, that we dropped a line to one of our “friends” inside the Home Office and got them to commission a report into how the government would fare at the hands of some of the most notable gangs of our time.

We thought it only right that TV Cream do its bit, before the entire internet is closed down thanks to someone somewhere uploading a clip of Larry Grayson enthusing about the “route to the loot”. (SATIRE)

We can now reveal the results of this confidential briefing paper, wherein Cameron and co are pitted in a series of “war games” against the most prominent and grisly gangs of modern times…

1) THE RED HAND GANG

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkY5kx3U4E8

ASSESSMENT: Over-tousled tykes. Appear to show no sign of fear (e.g. hand on the shoulder, cobwebs), and not afraid to commandeer street furniture, e.g. dustbins, for hiding places. One (JR) has a T-shirt bearing his name, or “tag”. Said T-shirt also has no sleeves. Another, James Bond III, is black. Lil Bill makes good his escape by “hilariously” lying flat on a skateboard. All, including the girl, can jump incredibly high.

VERDICT: Gang wins in 25 minutes every week.

2) THE SUNDAY GANG

Gospel croak

ASSESSMENT: Sweet-toothed sermonisers. “Gang” moniker and distinctly urban outfits (one of them recently spotted wearing dungarees) belies unashamed ecumenical leanings. Here to praise to the skies not raise to the ground. To wit, gang have rebranded the Bible as The Big Bumper Storybook and hang out with giant Scottish white mouse puppet. Slight concern: gang leader goes by the “handle” of JD. Possible link with JD Sports, number one target for recent riots? (Pls check).

VERDICT: Gang co-opted as cheerleaders for Big Society.

3) THE GANG OF FOUR (i)

Four what it's worth

ASSESSMENT: Lily-livered liberals. Hang out in Hampstead and Limehouse. Want to “break the mould”. Numerous celebrity followers including blue comedian Barry Cryer and student agitator Bamber Gascoigne. Leader, Jenkins, permanently squiffy. Another, Owen, dresses to the right. Another, Williams, is a woman. Warning: believe in proportional representation, supported by anarchist actor John Cleese. But: think pen, or more precisely pen portraits, more powerful than the sword. No balls.

VERDICT: Gang suffers slow, undignified demise.

4) THE ZOO GANG

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4EdVmJOLfo

ASSESSMENT: Resistance wrinklies. Multi-national outfit with decades of experience, recently reunited, now operating in classy establishments in swanky resorts. Warning: could be sitting next to you in your club or members lounge right now. Use animal codenames to disguise identity. Have own signature tune, written by composer of Give Ireland Back To The Irish. Should only be approached with extreme sartorial caution.

VERDICT: Gang disbands after failing to crack America.

5) THE GANG OF FOUR (ii)

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLkRqD4HZ-4

ASSESSMENT: Po-faced post-punk roisterers. Unassuming garb hides radical tendencies of the worst kind, typified by fondness for SHOUTING or CHANTING every OTHER word INSTEAD of SPEAKING like NORMAL people. Songs cover topics including poisonous chemicals, under-investment in public transport, revisionist history, and butter. PLEASE have earmuffs to hand when approaching.

VERDICT: Gang still SHOUTING 30 years later.

6) THE SUGARHILL GANG

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sL7iWLFSH6Y

ASSESSMENT: Gibberish-talking jivers. Pioneers of rap music (see dictionary for definition if unclear) armed with bewildering non-canonical phraseology, e.g. “don’t stop the rocking to the bang bang boogie say up jumps the boogie to the rhythm of the boogity beat”. Members include Wonder Mike, Hank (also known as Doctor of the Mix, and Casanovafly), and Master Gee, whose name is known all over the world. Fond of hotels, motels and Holiday Inns. Want to “freak you here, freak you there”.

VERDICT: Gang will move you outta this atmosphere.

7) THE GANG OF FOUR (iii)

Roy Jenkins regrets refraining from that last glass of claret before brunch

ASSESSMENT: Commie bastards. Three men and a little lady. Can call upon millions of followers. Waiting for the great leap forward. Still waiting, along with Red book, Red flag, and beds for hiding Reds under.

VERDICT: Gang has too many Rs to fall back on

8) THE PRESS GANG

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Z-a11MjdDY

ASSESSMENT: Worse than numbers 1-7 combined, i.e. journalists. Even worse: kids pretending to be younger than they are. Cocky, tenacious, funny, attractive, smart, down-to-earth muckrakers and stickybeaks. Boss is believed to be Dr Who. AVOID AT ALL COSTS.

VERDICT: Gang is not responsible for everything; they just make it look that way.

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Photo clippage #56

Posted in Photo clippage by TV Cream | No Comments »

The lady's not for gurning

Move over Meryl, it’s Maureen!

Yes, here’s our very own Lipman with *lippy man* (do you see?) Ken Livingstone in one of the GLC’s many many publicity shots to promote some anniversary, concert, initiative or other.

We’ve multiple gimmicks to enjoy here, as not only is Ken about to be “beheaded” by “Maggie”, but towering behind them is an enormous birthday cake seemingly as big as County Hall itself. If you look closely, you’ll see it’s not even a birthday of any consequence, just 95 years of local government in London. Yet frankly who cares, when you’ve got *four* 1980s icons jostling for attention.

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On and on and on

Posted in A bit of business by TV Cream | No Comments »

The blessed Margaret, yesterday

When TV Cream was compiling its election podcasts earlier this year, there were a few items that didn’t make the final edits, mostly to keep the running time down to a level that didn’t try the patience of its producers, let alone its listeners.

One such segment concerned Margaret Thatcher’s victory in 1987. Given it’s the old bugalugs’ 85th birthday this week, we thought we’d dust it off and give it a public airing – a bit like the treatment she’s getting at the hands of David Cameron.

So sit back and enjoy four minutes of Dimbleby, Day and Snow plus cameos from Ted Heath, some loony lefties, some Tory toffs and (now for the good news) 50 seconds of Martyn Lewis. Harsh actions dispensed behind a mask of affability – a bit like the treatment we’re all getting at the hands of David Cameron.

You can download the deleted sequence from TV Cream, or listen to it right here:

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Poll to Poll with David Butler

Posted in Podcasts by TV Cream | 1 Comment »

Here’s what we hope you’ll consider a post-election podcast treat: 30 minutes of David Butler reminiscing about 60 years of election-watching.

TV Cream had the pleasure of meeting the great man a couple of months ago, and these are the highlights from our interview.

There are also clips from the general elections of 1955, 1959, 1964, 1970, February 1974, 1979 and 1987.

You can download the podcast from TV Cream; you can subscribe to it via iTunes; or you can listen to it right here:

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Poll to Poll with TV Cream: 1987

Posted in Podcasts by TV Cream | 3 Comments »

It’s the third of TV Cream’s election-themed weekly podcasts – and it’s three in a row for Maggie as well.

Aside from our usual inspection of the Beeb’s results night coverage, this week’s effort offers you a landslide-sized poll-defying deluge of content, including:

- a stand-up routine about proportional representation courtesy of SDP/Liberal Alliance advocate John Cleese;

- David Butler remembering Robin Day and discussing what he hopes to be up to for this election;

- more from our dossier of Election Essentials, this week concentrating on upsets;

- a profile of that short-trousered shibboleth of Thatcherism, Colin Moynihan;

- and a rubber-faced tribute to the finest satire of 1987, Spitting Image.

As usual, there are three ways to hear the podcast:

You can download it from TV Cream (72MB); you can subscribe to it via iTunes; or you can listen to it right here:

 

(PS: Thanks to Chris Oakley for a very generous write-up on iTunes!)

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Poll to Poll with TV Cream: 1964

Posted in Podcasts by TV Cream | No Comments »

Welcome to the first of TV Cream’s election podcasts.

Each week between now and polling day we’ll be hastening through telly hustings of the recent past.

We’re beginning in 1964 with Harold Wilson’s attempt to turf Sir Alec Douglas-Homeowner out of Downing Street using a pipe, some HP Sauce and the white heat of technology.

But besides looking back at what went on in BBC Television Centre on that nerve-jangling night of 15th October (and much of the 16th), the podcast also lifts its eyes from a list of the latest gains and losses to:

- pay tribute to former Foreign Secretary and professional pisshead George Brown;

- hear from Dr David Butler, who talks exclusively to TV Cream about his decades of TV electioneering;

- pause for a partly political broadcast about party political broadcasts;

- draw up our first list of TV Election Essentials, this week focusing on the role of the presenter;

- and find out what was, or rather what wasn’t, the big TV satire show of 1964.

Along the way there’s clippage from the likes of Alan Whicker, Raymond Baxter, Ken Dodd, David Frost, Tony Benn, Milicent Martin, Roy Kinnear, Cliff Michelmore, The Beatles and a man getting very cross with a crowd of people in Smethwick.

But enough of that. How can you hear the podcast? Let us count the ways. There are three:

You can download it from TV Cream (a landslide-sized 81MB); you can subscribe to it via iTunes; or you can listen to it right here:

 

Enjoy! And remember: listen early and often.

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In One Ear

Posted in The Programmes by TV Cream | 1 Comment »

Sadly, she's not even impersonating Bonnie Tyler there...‘DANGEROUS’ late-night live psuedo-alternative comedy sketches from Nick Wilton, Helen Lederer, Steve Brown and Clive Mantle. Quite a big deal in its day, winning tons of awards and also one of the few of their own radio shows that the BBC actually managed to pick up for TV adaptation in the eighties. Upon which it became the terrible Hello Mum, and everyone tried to forget about everything to do with it.

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Dowling’s treat

Posted in A bit of business by TV Cream | 2 Comments »

These taste rubbish! Everyone knows it!

With Tim Dowling having been brought in to now ruin Radio Times every week with his sideways-look-at brand of box-out fun, TV Cream has taken a similarly horizontal peek at his emails to editor Ben Preston. So here’s what future off-the-top-of-his-head fun he’s got lined up…

Yo Ben!

Primeval’s been saved from cancellation and Bouquet of Barbed Wire is being remade – what other shows could be brought back? The Generation Game! Except, because of ageism on TV it would be teenage mothers and their infant offspring competing! Chortle! And to host, I dunno a foetus or something. In a wig! It’s rumoured Bruce Forsyth wears a wig! What else? Let’s ‘bring back’ The Old Guys (has that been axed? Need to check)! But, because of ageism in TV… it’s with teenagers. And how about Grumpy Old Women? With some famous young teenagers! You with me?

There’s also…

Benjamino, you bastard!

Product placement on TV, that’s a thing! How about fun matches between programmes and delightfully inappropriate sponsors? Watchdog sponsored by that brand of slimming pills That’s Life! exposed once. Can’t remember the brand’s name, so I’ll probably just called it Scam-o Slim-a-Lot. Chortle! Imagine Criminal Justice brought to you by Claims Direct! And Doc Martin in conjunction with Hush Puppies! Plus – I’m laughing as I write this – MasterChef in bed with Pot Noodle, cos everyone knows Pot Noodle is a poor example of food, whereas MasterChef is championing great examples of food! We could have Gregg Wallace’s face on a Pot Noodle pot with a speech bubble from his mouth: “I just want to take my shirt off and dive in!” People are mad about MasterChef, aren’t they?

And, sent just yesterday…

Duh, Benny!

Have you seen Chris Tarrant’s got a show on the digital channel (Not Many People) Watch? Snigger! Granted, there’s no amusing juxtaposition in that, but all the same: What next? Dave Gorman going to Dave to do Are You Dave Gorman? OJ Simpson turning up on Alibi? Wossy on Weally!?! (Think about it!) Someone to do with Pot Noodle – not sure who yet – going to Good Food? And how about a celebrity who maybe has been famously booed hosting something on Bravo. Priceless!

If you’ve got your own idea for other bits of TV take-off fun to pep up page 10 of RT, let us know in the comments field, and we’ll forward them to Tim forthwith.

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Spitting Image

Posted in S is for... by TV Cream | 7 Comments »

The eyes have it, the eyes have itFOREVER ERRONEOUSLY referred to with a superfluous “S” at the end of the programme’s title, SPITTING IMAGE offered up detailed three-dimensional “latex lampoonery” of the most well known figures of the day, while less well-known figures were portrayed by either that puppet that looked like JIMMY TARBUCK, or the one that was a dead ringer for FREDDIE MERCURY (this one also doubled for all waiters shown on the programme). Broadcast in the one outpost of the ITV schedule that for a time provided a home for vaguely anarchic comedy material, SPITTING IMAGE was a mainstay of the Sunday evening at 10 slot that had previously been occupied by the likes of WOOD AND WALTERS and CLIVE JAMES ON TELEVISION. Yet given the former series’ obsession with making observations about dinner ladies who scratch their armpit with a spatula, and the latter’s focus on being “irreverent” but in a very middle class way, those Spitting Images offered up something that for its time seemed genuinely shocking. The show was cited as being culpable in the political destruction of DAVIDs STEEL and OWEN, while the fact that the average man in the street was able to name more than one member of Thatcher’s mid-Eighties cabinet is supposedly thanks to their memorable puppetry portrayal. Perhaps the series’s most heinous crime, though, was to provide early television exposure for the likes of ALISTAIR MCGOWAN and JON “CREEPY HAIR” CULSHAW. There is perennial talk of bringing it back, but working out how it couldn’t be rubbish now remains a persistent roadblock.

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It couldn’t be easier to apply for a share of the shares

Posted in Cream over Britain by TV Cream | 2 Comments »

Here’s an image that ought to be added to that photo library collection marked ‘GENERIC 1980s’: people “rushing” to submit their applications for shares in a soon-to-be privatised utility:

Make someone happy with a phone call - preferably Margaret Thatcher

In this case, folks are “rushing” to Fleetway House in London, desperate to hand in their forms before the deadline on 28th November 1984.

It’s a fine evocation of that decade’s mania for privatisation: on the one hand, the allure of this wonderful, get-rich-quick scheme, on the other, the grubby reality of queuing on a wet street by a tatty hand-drawn sign.

The TV news used to love this kind of thing: endless shots of ordinary citizens hurrying, sometimes running, to some anonymous functional building in the capital, like they’d only just realised the deadline had come and they must, MUST, get that share application submitted if it kills them.

It was a craze that provided easy copy for journos and an easy sell for the ad agencies. Look! This thing you already own, but don’t! Now you can actually own a bit of it! For real!

And so it went on, culminating in one of the top crossover adverts of the decade.

Playgrounds across the land, or at least in one East Midlands town, rocked to the sound of kids lamely accosting each other and asking if they’d seen Sid.

If memory serves, this whole business ended with the titular elusive gentleman being tracked to the top of a mountain, only for the hunter (and us) to be greeted with a note that read something like “Gone to buy British Gas shares”. But not before Eddie Grundy and an old woman from the 1960s had got in on the chase.

And yet despite all the publicity, there were still – handily enough for the cameras – some people who “rushed” to submit their applications hours before the deadline, in this case at a branch of NatWest in the City of London:

If you see Sid, tell him to piss off

Gone are the hand-drawn signs, but the queue of people is the same: what Greg Dyke would call “hideously white”.

All those great sell-offs of the 80s and early 90s were meant to appeal to everyone but only seemed to ever woo about 40% of the country. A bit like the government of the day (SATIRE).

The ones that came later didn’t have the same draw either. It’s hard to remember scenes of people “rushing” to submit applications for a piece of British Rail in the mid-90s. Anyway, according to signage in most of London’s mainline stations, BR still exists. Here’s the inspiration for 20 years of jokes on Week Ending:

At least you've got a choice, eh? Eh? Eh? Eh?

Meanwhile, way back in 1983, the chairman of the Central Electricity Generating Board launched a competition to find the best use for Battersea Power Station. Over 25 years later, he’s still waiting for a winner.

The judges consider Morrissey's application for it to be turned into the venue of an England For The English festival - either that, or four giant knobs

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That Was The Week That Was

Posted in T is for... by TV Cream | No Comments »

It's over, let it go“IF THEY took sex out of this programme, there’d be nothing left!” FROST, LEVIN, KINNEAR, PERCIVAL, MARTIN, RUSHTON and COPE sit behind a giant desk with camera wires all over the place in the name of satire, in the process scandalising one half of the nation (the posh half) and bemusing the rest. Made legends out of a) Frost’s hair (a weird plastered down bowlcut with a mini-quiff at the front); b) Frost’s bad impressions; c) Milicent Martin’s ability to sing unfunny topical songs very very very fast; d) Bernard Levin verbally jousting with the upper classes; e) Timothy Birdsall drawing cartoons “live”; f) having cameras in shot; g) having cameramen in shot; h) Willie Rushton looking grumpy; i) Roy Kinnear looking frumpish; j) Ned Sherrin, by virtue of having at least ten separate credits on every programme. Went out live at the end of Saturday night BBC television, often for up to two hours at a time. “Questions” were asked in the House of Commons, of the kind nobody actually remembers hearing at the time. “Switchboards” were jammed, in a manner nobody actually remembers seeing at the time. They did a dreadfully mawkish special edition the night after JFK got shot which became a hit record in the States. Axed when the Beeb got the jitters about someone making jokes about a general election. Everyone – more or less – came back, though, for NOT SO MUCH A PROGRAMME, MORE A WAY OF LIFE.

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Gnomes of Dulwich, The

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GNOMES, EH? Now there’s a subject for laugh-out-loud light entertainment. Especially if you get HUGH LLOYD and TERRY SCOTT to dress up like Flowerpot Men, only as adults, and have JIMMY “HOT HI DE ALLO” PERRY to write the thing, and say it’s all just a satire on the Common Market.

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Small Problem, A

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IN THE near-ish future everyone under five foot high is hunted down, for satirical comedy purposes. CHRISTOPHER “MIKE” RYAN led the rag-tag fugitive bunch of short geezers with much pratfalling at the giants’ expense. Titular problem became somewhat larger, however, when viewers missed the point, got upset and deluged OPEN AIR with complaints, ensuring the series never came back.

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