Posts Tagged With 'Lord Bob of Monkhouse'

We NEED more Bob!

Posted in A bit of business by TV Cream | 4 Comments »

Our doors are always open to him

If you read Creamguide you’ll know that the current re-runs of Bob’s Full House on Challenge have ushered in  – to quote the man himself – “a period of great joy” for us. Alas, that might be about to change.

Thanks, @sherbertavenger. So, prompted by that, we dropped Challenge a line (already this is turning into an episode of That’s Life!). They said:

The next exchange then read…

So that’s the news. On 22nd March, Bob’s Full House moves to Friday nights. Tell all your friends to clickety-click their remotes and tune in to Bob en masse. We don’t want to leave the great man with droopy-draws ratings. And hopefully, if things pick up and they get a ‘lotto’ viewers, Challenge might buy series two…

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“Number 10? Maggie’s Den!”

Posted in A bit of business by TV Cream | 2 Comments »

Our Monkhouse master card!
Are you enjoying the re-runs of Bob’s Full House on Challenge as much as we are? (That’s every Saturday at 8pm)

In all seriousness, it’s probably the least-dated TV show from the 1980s, a quiz that zings along with plenty of ‘funny putty’ from Bob, likeable contestants, brilliant music stings and fun questions. Plus the nerve-shredding final Golden Game Card.

So, now, roughly 30 years on from when Radio Times was supposed to print play-along-at-home cards (for some reason, the plan was scuppered), TV Cream is bringing you its very own Bob’s Full House bingo game. See the image above. Simply cross off any time any of the items are referenced in the show. Have fun! And remember, our doors are always open for you.

NB. As the repeats continue on Challenge, feel free to suggest your own categories we should add to our Monkhouse Mastercard
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Bob’s Full House

Posted in B is for... by TV Cream | 7 Comments »

LORD MONKHOUSE’s finest hour, aka How To Design The Perfect Game Show. This one had it all. On would come Bob in a smart suit with some nifty gags and instant catchphrasery: “In bingo lingo it’s clickety-clicks, time to take your pick of the six!” Contestants arranged in novel four-booth system, reminiscent of PUNCHLINES. Booths fronted with bingo card, with game split into three rounds – light corners, light middle line and light whole card by answering questions. Winner of each round gets to choose wonderful/tacky prize from array revealed by rotating cylindrical screen (always a His ‘n’ Hers bathgown set on offer). Last round was pacey, quickfire stuff, with regular updates on progress from the Monk (“Dave NEEEEDS three…Sharon, you NEEEEEED seven…”). Central to the show was that most 80s of devices – the rotating structure (see BLANKETY BLANK, BULLSEYE). Here we had a three-sided construction, with the Monkhouse Mastercard, Golden Card Game and Bob’s Full House logo on each side. Golden Card Game oozed excitement with the holiday destination was gradually revealed letter by letter (“Let’s hope it’s not Bognor!”) Plus ever-present danger of being “wallied” if you got a question wrong. Everything you’d ever want from a game show and the perfect shopwindow for Bob’s genius. Fact.

You might also want to see... Have you met my mother?.

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Bob says can you set the video, please?

Posted in A bit of business by TV Cream | 8 Comments »

"I expected a much sexier documentary about my proclivities - particularly when they told me it was going to be on BBC Phwoar!"

We’re still glowing from Monday night’s THE SECRET LIFE OF BOB MONKHOUSE on BBC4. And “oodles” of thanks go to TV Cream’s own Chris Hughes for diligently transcribing Bob’s list of shows for Lesley to record (as featured fleetingly in the programme) while Lord Monkhouse and Jacs were holidaying in Barbados.

NB: We think “W.&W” means “Watch and wipe”.

So, without further a do, Lesley, is that your fax machine we can hear?

February 1, ’96

Dear Lesley, Thanks as usual

SAT FEB 3: See previous fax

SUN FEB 4: Central, 8.00pm ‘FROST: DEEP WATERS’ (2 hours) (LAST ONE)
Central, 10.00pm ‘LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!’
UK GOLD, 10.00pm ‘The Bob M. Show’ (50m)
Central, 11.15pm ‘SPITTING IMAGE’ (W.&W.)

MON FEB 5: C4, 2.05pm-4.00 ‘THE DARK Corner’
BBC2, 9.00pm-10.10pm, ‘OUR FRIENDS IN THE NORTH’
C4: 12.50am-2.15 ‘Michael SHAYNE, P.D.’
Central: 1.25am-1.55 ‘BUSHELL ON THE BOX’ (W.&W.)

TUE FEB 6: BBC1 THE >><< FILES 10.00pm-

WED FEB 7: C4, 2.00pm-4.00 ‘LES MISERABLES’ (1952)
BBC1, 7.00pm, THIS IS YOUR LIFE (W.&W.)
Central 8.00pm-9.00 DES O’C (W.&W.)
BBC1, 9.30pm-10.20 HETTY WAINTHROPP (last one)
C4: 10.00pm-11.00 ‘E.R.’

THUR FEB 8: BBC1, 9.30pm-10.00 ‘French & Saunders’
C4, 9.30pm-10.00 ANNIE’S BAR #2 (Sep. cass?)
C4, 10.00pm-10.55: NYPD BLUE
C4 2.00am-3.05 ‘THE UNDYING MONSTER’

FRI FEB 9: Central 8.30-9.00pm ‘Paul MERTON In…’ (W.&W.)
Central, 9.00pm-10.00 ‘SIMISOLA’ Pt.3 of 3.
Lesley, I see Chris Evans begins his new series at 6.00pm-7.00 and again from 11.55pm-1.00am. Is this one show repeated or 2 shows? Please tape both hours and let’s see – strictly W.&W.

Oodles of sunkissed love to you and yours

Bob!

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Bob says it’s a TV Cream Bob photo clippage special

Posted in RIP by TV Cream | 1 Comment »

Prompted by Monday night’s superb BBC4 documentary, TV Cream has riffled through its own Monkhouse memorabilia for a few snaps from the great man’s Golden age.

"Love is blind. That's why you see so many spectacles in the park."

"Love is blind. That's why you see so many spectacles in the park."

"My New Year's Eve couldn't have been duller if I were Adam."

"My New Year's Eve couldn't have been duller if I were Adam."

"I went to a Gay Nineties Party. All the men were gay and all the women were ninety."

"I went to a Gay Nineties Party. All the men were gay and all the women were ninety."

"Ronnie Corbett's had his pocket picked. Now that's what I call stooping low."

"Ronnie Corbett's had his pocket picked. Now that's what I call stooping low."

"I went to my taxman and said: have a heart. He took it."

"I went to my taxman and said: have a heart. He took it."

"I find that life is like a shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water."

"I find that life is like a shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water."

"If it's true that history repeats itself, where are those 1950s prices?"

"If it's true that history repeats itself, where are those 1950s prices?"

"The government wants a working majority. They should do more to get a majority working."

"The government wants a working majority. They should do more to get a majority working."

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Bob Says Revolution In The Head

Posted in Pot pourri by TV Cream | 5 Comments »

Messrs Monkhouse and MacDonald have put their respective posthumous heads together and hereby challenge readers to identify this mystery signature tune:

“A frightening use of synthesiser marks out this 1990 children’s comedy theme.

“It begins with a taut scale reaching its top note by 00:02 where it is greeted by an audible shimmer. And in some of the clubs I’ve played, you’d be lucky if you even get that from the crowd!

“A brief double-snare sting introduces a plodding melody oscillating between two semi tones. Of course my favourite Tone is my good pal the virile golfer Tony Jacklin. He showed me a few strokes for tackling an embarrassingly persistent semi, I can tell you!

“A call and response between the bass and the treble establish the pace and at 00:07 the tune proper begins, revolving around a cloying suspended note that dances out a Wurlitzer-like melody. And frankly, if there’s half a chance of cloying at some suspenders I’ll be dancing like a Wurlitzer too!

“The main theme is complimented by a vamping accompaniment, and that certainly takes me back to doing Forces Radio with Diana Dors!

“The big laugh comes at 00.30 with the middle-eight, and the tune modulating to a minor. Sadly, modulating minors is something we’ve been reading far too much about in our newspapers lately.

“At 00:46 an unusual washboard sound-effect bridges back into the main tune which then continues to the coda at 00:56, bringing the theme to a squeaky ‘told you so’ sign off that sounds like it was tossed off in a matter of seconds. Which brings me back to Tony Jacklin…”

But what’s the theme?

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Opportunity Knocks

Posted in O is for... by TV Cream | 5 Comments »

FANFARE FOR the common man, woman, child, four-piece close-harmony crooners, assorted domestic pets and muscle-bound mincers. The personal fiefdom of HUGHIE GREEN, who in-between trying to save the nation from socialist revolution and conceiving PAULA YATES, considered it his duty to scour the country’s highways and byways in order to serve up a generation of variety entertainment bar none. Instead what he found was PAM “OI WISH OI’D LOOKED ARFTER ME TEETH!” AYRES, LITTLE AND LARGE, FREDDIE “PARROT FACE” DAVIES, LENA ZAVARONI, MARY HOPKIN, TOM O’CONNOR and PETERS AND LEE. Ever-present Clapometer would “register” audience approval, then viewers were invited to write in (no expense spared here) to nominate their favourite from among each week’s most popular artistes. Winner would be “revealed” the following week, when they’d go up against the latest batch of jesters, and so on. SU POLLARD was beaten by a singing dog, so at least the country had some sense. Revived by BOB MONKHOUSE in 1987 as BOB SAYS OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS or Bob Knox as he preferred to call it, the world’s first ever phone-in talent show with proper candidate lists in Radio Times and everything.

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Celebrity Squares

Posted in C is for... by TV Cream | 16 Comments »

“HELLO CELEBRITIES!” The plea bargain to lure LORD BOB MONKHOUSE back to THE GOLDEN SHOT, “the big box game of stars and cars” was loads more glamorous than his previous archery-based extravaganza, helped by the presence of HERMIONE GINGOLD and VINCENT PRICE in the first show. Basically noughts and crosses on the telly, the game was piss-easy to play along with, especially for the contestants who only had to guess whether Garry Bushell knew the answer to a trivia question or not. The answer’s no, by the way. The first incarnation was enlivened by KENNY EVERETT on voiceovers, who was bored witless throughout recordings and spent most of the time playing Scrabble in the booth with his agent. After four years it ended before returning in the nineties, with Lord Bob still firing on all cylinders but having to put up with a much lower standard of celebrity, like “star of DESMONDS” KIM WALKER, CY “EMMERDALE” CHADWICK or a Chippendale mysteriously billed as simply “CHIPPENDALE” on his desk. Still, seeing Bob trade gags with the likes of YVETTE FIELDING had a curious sort of appeal. Best Bob Catchphrase – “We’ll be back in a flash with double the cash!”

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TV Cream’s Advent Calendar Door 4: Noel’s Christmas Presents

Posted in YouTube by TV Cream | 1 Comment »

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDc5G8g0-L4

PRESENTING a double bill of BBC Christmas promos from 1984, the first featuring a much-loved bearded benefactor (NOEL EDMONDS, obviously) delivering a sleighful of festive greetings from the likes of TERRY WOGAN, BOB MONKHOUSE, SIR JIM’LL, RUSSELL HARTY and the YELLOWCOATS (not together, alas), all thanks to the magic of CSO. And look at that textbook Blank line-up: RUTH MADOC (“Look, Fiddler On The Ruth!”), LORRAINE CHASE and that man Harty again.

The second features the Christmas Day premiere of Mary Poppins, alongside clips from the Beeb’s other seasonal highlights (Kramer vs Kramer! Escape To Victory! The Galactic Garden! Noel prancing about in a jumper!), all slapped over the Doctor Who titles.

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Golden Shot, The

Posted in G is for... by TV Cream | 1 Comment »

"We're hoping to present two machines next week on our last Sunday""We're live at 4.44 - that doesn’t rhyme"“PICK A POMME, DO”. By some stretch ATV’s greatest ever game show, during its glory years the crossbow-firing-on-a-glam-rock-set Sunday staple was also blessed with the best ever game show host, Lord BOB MONKHOUSE himself. But it wasn’t always that way…twice. Originally crumpling under the tutelage of Canadian stiff JACKIE “Right, right, right – stop. Up, up, up – stop. Left – stop! Right a little – stop! Left a little – stop! Up, up, up – fire!” RAE – whom Lew Grade had spotted *playing* a game show host in a Charlie Drake half-hour, Bob was bussed in after a show-stopping guest spot in which he turned one of the Shot video booths into a shower cabinet. Now that’s entertainment. Then cameth the glory years, a move to Birmingham, with all the municipal pomp the Midlands could throw at it. Bernie the Bolt. Anne Aston (“And this is…I’m sorry I’ve forgotten”). Specially themed dioramas, including one featuring cartoons of skinheads drawn by Bob himself. And lots of things going wrong. 16 million tuned in of a teatime, but it couldn’t last. Bob was accused of taking a bribe from a Wilkinson Swords ad exec (“Before we left the table Bob Brooksby handed me a brown envelope…”) and duly dismissed. In came NORMAN “Listen Dennis, what shall we talk about?” VAUGHAN. He was no good, and quickly replaced by CHARLIE “Don’t tell Williams he’s only t’gaffer” WILLIAMS who was even worse. Punting him off to a summer season at Charnock Richard, the show’s execs saw sense and brought Bob back for a final run. The wily entertainer readily agreed – providing ATV would throw him CELEBRITY SQUARES at the same time. A “golden day” for everyone, really.

You might also want to see... Celebrity Squares.

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Have you met my mother?

Posted in Pot pourri by TV Cream | 1 Comment »

"I said to the shop assistant, is that still orange? She said, yes, it has been for weeks"Look, it’s Bernard Manning carrying a steak for his mum. Tell us about your mum, Bernie!

“My mother? She wouldn’t hurt a fly. Would not hurt a fly. Oh no. She just left it in the soup and carried on eating.”

Stars and their kin. On the face of it there seems to have been an almighty enforced estrangement. The two don’t belong together anymore.

The only person regularly on television who still leavens pieces to camera with a namedrop of their other half is probably Brucie. Other than that, mum isn’t, but also is, most definitely the word.

Her indoors, the one who wears the trousers, the missus: AWOL. Kids, ditto. No references to little blighters or troublesome tykes. As for parents, as even for *parents-in-law*, well, forget it.

Now spool back 25 years or so.

Another edition of BOB'S FULL HOUSE is underway. Our host has emerged from behind the dais, scampered past the revolving stage bedecked with contestants, and is now dispensing a few preliminary words of welcome.

“Money, money, money,” he sighs. “It’s all we hear about nowadays. I said to my taxman: have a heart. He took it. As I said to my wife…”

Scrap the caddie, Clyde!But there his story ends. We do not hear what he said to his wife, because the audience is roaring with laughter. A few are even applauding. By the time decorum has been restored, events have moved on. It’s time to meet the contestants.

Bob’s bit of blarney with his missus remains a mystery – like the one last week, and the one from the week before. Like they always are and always were.

For Mrs Monkhouse was, by and large, but a punctuation point in Bob’s patter.

Occasionally she gained more prominence, like in some of his monologues for An Audience With… and those video-only stand-up roustabouts as the Lakeside shopping centre.

Usually, though, she remained an ever-present post-punchline sorbet to ease Bob’s palate into his next bit of business.

But nowadays the television personality must now appear utterly devoid of the trappings of everyday domesticity. Nice family men and women, relaxed about even the smallest acknowledgement of an existence outside the crystal bucket, appear to have been hounded from the screen.

Or maybe it’s something else. Maybe it’s not the kin but the stars.

To wit, there aren’t any. The presenters, the anchors, the frontmen and women: they’re not different enough from us for jokes about how similar they are to us.

"Oh yeah, my roses are well famous. They're the *stalk* of the town."As such there’s no longer any novelty in hearing a tall tale about how you bought your mother a freshly-cut steak. Or how your wife is great in bed – only trouble being they’re *flower beds*.

The great and the good have been so diminished in number, and in stature, that there’s no point them trying to spin jarringly humdrum yarns in the name of entertainment. They themselves have become humdrum.

A few partially-ribald gags during Strictly Come Dancing about Wilmena’s cooking are all the nation has left.

Once Brucie retires, that’s it.

But never mind that. Did we mention about our mother-in-law? She’s so fat, that when she lies around the house, she lies *around* the house…

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Welcome to the new TV Cream website!

Posted in A bit of business by TV Cream | No Comments »

"If it's true history repeats itself, where are those 1950 prices? As I said to my wife..."Well, it’s wonderful to be with you again. We like to think of this website as a sort of Sixty Minutes to the old TV Cream’s Nationwide – only good. And fun. And witty, literate, informed, agreeable and something you’d want to spend more than sixty seconds (never mind sixty minutes) of your life with.

In fact the only way this site is similar to Sixty Minutes is that they’ve both been launched upon a unblinking public half-finished. Except we hide it a bit better. No shots of an LWT contract-bound Sarah Kennedy sitting in a booth in a separate studio waving at the camera because “I’m afraid I can’t join you all just yet”. Oh no. Sarah’s here all right. Actually, is that such a good thing after all?

Anyway, even though Sarah’s present, and Bob too, and a blacked-up Benny Hill dressed as a woman and Brucie standing by a giant portrait of his own face and Lionel Blair whispering something into the ear of an appalled Kenneth Williams and Bruno Brookes with Pudsey Bear and Wogan being assailed from all sides by all quarters, this site is still a work in progress and hence you’ll find bits are missing.

For instance, only about three-quarters of the A-Z is here. The blog, an import of an import, is rather awry format-wise. There’s nothing in the Films section, hardly anything in the Telly section, and so on. There’s also a forum which is very much in a Dr Who Kamelion-type state: a good idea in practice but tricky to make a reality and something that keeps changing its appearance unexpectedly.

Rest assured, though, that all these things will be resolved. Missing entries will appear, formatting will be corrected, much-loved features will be restored and never-loved features will be junked.

Feel free to wander unescorted through this new site and leave comments wherever and whenever you choose. If you want the full A-Z and everything else, that’s still all to be found on the original site.

In the meantime, have patience during this delicate period of transition, one we hope will be more like Anthea Redfern to Isla St Clair and less like Anneka Rice to Annabel Croft.

This new website will be finished soon. Honest. As a great philosopher once said, ‘Nice guys finish last’. Or was it a great nymphomaniac?

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Bob Monkhouse Show, The

Posted in B is for... by TV Cream | 1 Comment »

AT LAST: the first hurrah for the great Sir Bob in this A-Z. And what a performance. From inside a bizarre studio boutique, half-resembling a suburban parlour with framed portraits of comedy “greats” lining the wallpaper, our man welcomed to BBC2 those viewers bored of Panorama and World In Action on the other side. Then, after a few neat opening topical gags (“I said to my tax inspector, ‘have a heart!’; he took it”), Bob would settle back on his L-shaped sofa for interview, anecdote and cross-talk with assorted British and American comedy luminaries.

Of the Yanks, BOB HOPE was undoubtedly the prize catch, joining Bob M for a duet riffing on his theme tune (“Thanks for the memory/I’ll lay down the line, being on your show is fine!”), with SID CAESAR coming in second. JOAN RIVERS made an impact, as did similarly “waspish” veteran PHYLLIS DILLER. DOM DELUISE turned up to mug, blow and recall being sorely tempted to pinch Burt Reynolds’ arse during the Silent Movie shower scene. KELLY MONTEITH was urbanely dry as ever, RITA RUDNER was, well, Rita Rudner, and specialist comedians such as Professor Irwin Corey (the US equivalent of STANLEY UNWIN and inspiration for Bubba Bear in HELP IT’S THE HAIR BEAR BUNCH), nasal pianist PETE BARBUTTI and impressionist RICH LITTLE were oddly fascinating.

Bob created a regular spot for then-unknown US comics. STEVEN WRIGHT was an obvious hit here, as was EMO PHILLIPS. SANDRA BERNHARD and improv duo MONTEITH AND RAND didn’t translate so effortlessly, and JIM CARREY (still firmly in his “we couldn’t afford Steve Martin” phase) and VICTORIA JACKSON (who did, er, handstands) fell rather flat. Still, the occasional gem only the likes of Monkhouse would know about, such as soft-spoken radio parodists Bob Elliott and Ray Goulding, or musical whimsyologist Martin Mull (the nearest America’s likely to get to Viv Stanshall) snuck through often enough to prove this was no “book whoever’s in town” knock-off.

British comics made up the bulk of the guests, and were consequently very variable. A rare appearance for RONNIE BARKER was a draw (with plenty of ‘Gentleman’s Relish’), and Monkhouse got a lot out of VICTORIA WOOD and an ascendent MICHAEL BARRYMORE.

Some were disappointing; PETER COOK’s heart wasn’t in it that night, and other guests stuck to tried and tested routines – let’s face it, JIMMY CRICKET was hardly going to provide a wealth of comic analysis. CHARLIE DRAKE recounted that tale of him being knocked unconscious by a stageweight which shouldn’t have been left in the middle of a collapsible bookshelf on live TV again, and WARREN MITCHELL did the old “no mate, we’re having a go at YOU!” bit again.

SPIKE MILLIGAN regaled us with yet another version of that ancient “man shits self, buys trousers, changes on train, finds ladies’ pink Cashmere sweater in bag” shaggy dog story (though in this case improved somewhat with an ending wherein he actually dons the garment around his nether regions, sticking his bowler hat into the gap left by the neckhole, thus leaving him with “a sort of brown felt rupture”).

LES DAWSON did the usual piano routine, a couple of old club anecdotes, and his celebrated “facially-deformed honeymooning couple trying to blow out a candle” bit.

DENIS NORDEN and RAY ALAN were surprisingly good value, sticking to a wealth of anecdotes rather than doing a routine per se – ditto KENNY EVERETT and eternal stooge-to-the-greats LIBBY MORRIS.

PAUL DANIELS blotted his copybook by performing an extended George Formby impersonation (The Lancashire Toreador, for the record) which made PETER SELLERS’ similar turn on Parky seem the essence of brevity by comparison.

SU POLLARD recreated her first showbiz job, belting out a whimsical ditty for spot cream (“It doesn’t shrink the pimple one little bit/It brings the rest of the skin up level with it!”) A sonorous performance, to say the least.

PAMELA STEPHENSON destroyed the polystyrene set to Bob’s feigned chagrin.

GARY WILMOT impersonated American singers doing cockney songs – e.g. Randy Crawford singing Knees Up, Mother Brown. Oddly memorable, that one.

DEREK GRIFFITHS did plenty of mime, including a fateful stint in panto miming an old woman taking her clothes off (kid in upper circle: “You’ve forgotten the bra, granny!”)

The odd musical comedy turn – Kit and the Widow, Fascinating Aida, Cosmotheka (a sort of folksy, banjo-strumming Chas ‘n’ Dave who brought their own gypsy caravan onto the stage – don’t ask) – broke up the proceedings with minimal effect.

Some acts were obviously going nowhere – while the great vent act SENOR WENCES (“S’alright?” “S’alright!”) was still going strong, RONN LUCAS and cowboy puppet Billy grated on the nerves, no matter how clear his plosives. ROY JAY in his prisoner’s uniform and “Slither! Spook!” routine was clearly on a swift path to one TV advert and sod all else. MURRAY LANGSTON, aka The Unknown Comic, wore a paper bag on his head and arsed about manically on his way to ending up as a remaindered VHS languishing at the back of Woolies. DUNCAN NORVELLE failed to get Bob to chase him.

Other nationalities included Ukranian comedy juggler YAKOV “IN SOVIET RUSSIA…” SMIRNOFF and TOMMY COOPER-esque French cock-up magician MAC RONAY. Throughout, Bob was the consummate host, genuinely fascinated by all, and though many shows sagged when the guests weren’t exactly top notch, Bob’s enthusiasm – as great for just-commissioned, soon-to-vanish impressionist KAREN KAY as for FRANKIE HOWERD – was undeniably infectious. It may have been more of a compendium of old stagers’ best bits than the in-depth comedy workshop it’s often remembered as, but for all that there’s yet to be a more enjoyable chat show on British television.

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Family Fortunes

Posted in F is for... by TV Cream | 3 Comments »

YEAH YEAH, “turkey” and all that, but there was much more to it than that. An American format, it was brought to British screens by WILLIAM G STEWART, who moaned that only ten thousand families bothered to apply for the first run. LORD BOB MONKHOUSE was in charge originally, heralded by some mental violins and brandishing a stopwatch when he demanded contestants “Name it!”. Lovely touches abounded, not least the fact that the winners got a colour photo marking their day, while the losers only got a black and white one. Talk about rubbing it in. Bob did a hundred shows but when he innocently said, “Here’s to a hundred more, eh?” to Central’s Head of Light Entertainment at the party, only to be met with, “Oh, I doubt it”, he decided to bail out. In his place came MAX BYGRAVES, who turned out to be a complete disaster, with the man himself admitting he was far too slow and lumbering to keep the excitement up, never mind the fact he never listened to anything anyone said (“Jimmy McFee!”). Normal service was resumed, however, when LES DENNIS took over in 1987. A colour Mister Babbage came with him, but nobody liked it, so the old one came back again, and Les kept things running smoothly for over a decade – same “funny” answers, same silly dances when the families were introduced, same prizes (like the Agatha Christie Murder Weekend), same “Ooh ‘eck!” face from Les at the end when the winners kissed him. And still nobody passed when they were invited to play or pass. The only innovation came with the offer of a car or holiday if the winning family got all the top answers, and bafflingly every single family chose the car, however that could be shared between five people. However it all came to a sad end, when it was moved to daytimes. Les quit and was replaced by the charmless ANDY COLLINS, who was rubbish and the only memorable moment of his reign of terror came when some girl’s tit fell out of her top, which has been repeated on Channel Five every five seconds since.

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Quick on the Draw

Posted in Q is for... by TV Cream | 2 Comments »

WEEKDAY AFTERNOON siestathon hosted by LORD BOB MONKHOUSE (aided by JAN RENNISON) based around the modest talents of “UK’s fastest cartoonist” BILL TIDY, who along with the similarly pen-wielding likes of WILLIE RUSHTON, ROLF HARRIS and MICHAEL BENTINE, would draw whimsical illustrations on a big pad in response to Bob’s Pictionary-esque questions. Then, to prove the format was as flexible as a wobbleboard, Rolf took over hosting duties and Bob (an ex-cartoonist himself, of course) cropped up among the contestants. Later still, Bentine took over. The big flip chart thing remained, thankfully, largely unaltered. Possibly the only programme apart from THAT’S LIFE! to have the end credits cartooned in-studio. Devised by DENNIS GIFFORD.

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