With a very high quality sausage
Hullo and welcome to Creamguide, which for many of our readers this week includes a Bank Holiday weekend, and for the luckless Scots doesn’t, but don’t worry, we’re not billing much outside office hours, and if you’re unfortunate enough to be stuck inside a workplace when everyone else is having fun, don’t forget the new look www.tvcream.co.uk is the perfect distraction.
Saturday 24th August
19.30 Dad’s Army
So this week we’ve been mostly watching Channel Four’s comedy season which has presented some fascinating stuff, not least giving us the first chance to see the mythical Weekenders. Popadoodledandy was also particularly eye-opening, clearly never intended for broadcast with the shoddy edits, the ambient noise and the massive swearword we’re pretty sure you wouldn’t have been able to include on telly at all in 1993, Channel Four or no. Even musically it was worth seeing for a seemingly rare telly appearance by Denim. Shame Milan didn’t do Affectionately Mine, we used to love that one.
Last of this series of repeats, we think, so hurry back with some new ones soon. We had so much fun identifying a telly show the other week we thought we’d do it again, and while he overuses the smileys a bit, we’ll help out Stewart Young. So, “You could be my saviours! For years I’ve been dogged by this memory of a show that scared me, er, witless. I’m on a swear jar. I think it was some kind of horror show from the seventies that was on Sunday afternoons. The opening involved a girl combing her hair in front of a mirror, her back to the viewer but her face reflected in the mirror. She turns round and has no face! Please someone put me out of my misery and tell me what this show was!” If you’d like to give your answer, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. If lines are busy, call later. But DO call.
19.30 Whatever Happened To Harry Hill?
20.30 Harry Hill
Looks like Four are aiming for the TV Burp audience with the repeat of the latter, though we’re not sure what they’ll make of it. We’ve not seen it yet, natch. We don’t know if the latter is a different episode or the same one they showed last week, but for what it’s worth it was the last show of series one, which was good fun but a bit of a stupid one to show on its own given it mostly subverted all the usual jokes, including an actual badger parade. Oh, just show them all!
21.00 Channel 4′s 30 Greatest Comedy Shows
The channel that doesn’t do list shows, there, doing a list show. But it depends what they’re about and this should be entertaining enough with the various participants all turning up to reminisce and the fact that at least some of them are among the funniest shows ever made, and the bonus that The Mad Bad Ad Show won’t be included. And then…
23.05 Channel 4′s Greatest Comedy
Dunno what this is going to be, but we’re promised a full hour-long episode followed by two documentaries about it. We can certainly have a guess, though, because there’s been one really big Channel Four comedy that’s surprisingly not been in this season so far, featured an hour-long episode and has been the subject of two documentaries which you’ll assume would be repeats given it’s midnight, so… “Ted! Ted! You’re not going to believe this! Clint Eastwood’s been convicted for a crime he didn’t commit… oh wait, it’s a film.” Er, unless it’s The Inbetweeners, of course.
01.10 The Comic Strip Presents… Bad News Tour
It’s not going to be this, anyway, but kudos to C4 for not opting for the obvious and showing this fondly-remembered but rarely-repeated episode that had the misfortune to be completely overshadowed by Spinal Tap but is still fun.
08.25 The Big Match Revisited
The EPG description for this suggests one of the most exciting things about the main match in this show is that it’s played with an orange ball, although we suppose that is quite nostalgic. But they’re wrong, of course, because the most exciting thing is that Gerald Sinstadt wears an absolutely spectacular cardigan.
BBC Radio 2
13.00 Pick of the Pops
1966 and 1989. Jonathan Haw is back, this time saying, “I happened across this the other day and thought you might be interested if you’ve not already seen it. It’s a website put together by ex-VT people at Television Centre. The Confessions page is particularly worth a look – despite only understanding about one word in three, it confirms my opinion that TVC in the 70s and 80s was the best place in the world to work. ‘And that’s how the scene featuring Gemma’s nipples got on the screen uncut and at its full length’.”
BBC Radio 4
10.30 In Praise of the Lido
How come Boz Scaggs pronounces it “leee-do” when everyone else calls it a “lie-do”? Unless he’s talking about something else, natch. We’ve always found the idea of a lido extremely pleasing in any case and we do intend one day to live nearby one so we can jump out of bed and go, feel sickeningly pleased with ourselves – for the first week, anyway. Here’s are some more committed swimmers talking about why it’s so much better than your council baths.
20.00 Your Starter For Ten – 50 Years of University Challenge
If this anniversary is commemorated on television, they’ll probably wheel out the documentary they’ve shown umpteen times before, but this is all new. It’s probably at the height of its popularity these days, in terms of raw numbers it doubtlessly got more under Bamber but it was punted around the scheduled willy nilly whereas nowadays it’s in the middle of primetime and is often one of BBC2′s most watched shows of the week. But they still need to bring back the old theme tune.
Sunday 26th August
Before the nights start drawing in, a repeat of the summer special first shown a few weeks back, and that’s good because of course the original showing started ten minutes early on a night when we were all a bit distracted by the likes of Jessica Ennis, so everyone ended up with recording missing the first three songs. So don’t be late this time, not least as The Undertones are up first and it’s only eighty seconds long.
01.55 The Mark Thomas Comedy Product
Bit of a quiet night in terms of Creamy interest in Funny Fortnight, though we’ve got Black Books and the precise moment Peter Kay went crap. There’s also this which we can definitely say came from series one in 1996 because they took the “comedy” out of the name for subsequent series, and it seemed terribly exciting at the time. Let’s see how it stands up now, shall we?
21.00 A Touch of Cloth
Looks like they’ve had to re-edit the trailers to point out this is actually a comedy, thanks to a host of stupid people tweeting that they can’t believe that they’re the only people who’d noticed the name sounded a bit rude. Why would they have called it that if they were being serious? Engage brains, people! What it is, natch, is the latest production from Charlie Brooker which takes the piss out of everything in an Airplane-esque fashion, and to really hammer the point home, tomorrow’s second episode is followed by Airplane itself. Should be ace anyway.
Monday 27th August
18.00 Edinburgh Military Tattoo
The August Bank Holiday staple and this time Scotland get it at the same time instead of having to shift it to fit in a full-length Reporting Scotland because it’s a working day up there – and no, STV aren’t doing that, they’re just doing the bare minimum ten minutes. Scotland is also the only place it’s not going up against a documentary on World War II, which doesn’t seem very clever. Anyway, we’re not sure why we still bill this, especially as Tom Fleming’s not around to do it anymore. But here it is.
23.40 Norbert Smith – A Life
Last night of this season and the last really interesting repeat, because like The Weekenders this has been an extremely rare sight on our screens in the past decade or so, while the long-deleted VHS has, like much of Harry Enfield’s work, failed to make it to DVD. Basically it’s a pilot for the Television Programme with loads of absolutely fantastic parodies of the entire history of British film and it’s well worth another look.
01.15 Smack The Pony
This was a consistently entertaining series where even if the scripts weren’t always up to scratch the performances were generally brilliant and it had such a likeable approach. And everyone used to slag off the songs but we always thought they were terribly clever, parodying whole genres and imitating the general style instead of just substituting funny lyrics, though we doubt this is the episode with the parody of I Will Fix You by Kenickie which is our favourite ever sketch because it’s such a ridiculously obscure song to parody, and it’s terribly accurate to boot so all of three people would have got the joke.
01.40 Bill Hicks Live – Revelations
And the last thing in the entire season is probably the most influential show of all they’re showing. Indeed C4′s showing of Hicks’ shows gave him some of his greatest exposure and before he died he was developing a series for them. Even if you’ve not seen this you’ll have heard half the lines from it, but here they are delivered rather better than in sneery posts on internet forums.
21.30 Adam Buxton’s Bug
Last of this series which we’ve not seen any of, alas, though if it gets a repeat on another channel we’ll highlight it again and watch it there, no doubt. We’re pretty sure we’re safe in saying it would have better with Joe in.
BBC Radio 2
16.00 The Elton John Show
22.00 Bernie Taupin – A Conversation with the Brown Dirt Cowboy
23.00 Johnnie Walker’s Long Players
It’s EJ the DJ, as Radio 1 used to say in the seventies, as Reg is going to play some of his favourite records in a show presumably pre-recorded so he doesn’t swear. Later it’s a chat with the only man who’s ever tried to write a romantic ballad about Grimsby and then Johnnie digs out a copy of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. And In between all that at eight it’s another edition of Annie “…………………………hi” Nightingale’s born-again Request Show.
Tuesday 28th August
Sky Arts 1
22.00 The Moody Blues Live at the Isle of Wight
No, we’re not absolutely stuck for a programme to bill today, oh no. And we’re certainly not billing it so we can link again to the politest wig-out ever. Oh alright, we are. Never mind Ray Thomas, look at the drummer go!
Wednesday 29th August
19.30 The Corrie Years
Turns out they are doing a new series of this after all, but they may as well get their money’s worth out of the old ones. And however threadbare this is, 24 hours earlier ITV have had to show a non-British Champions League qualifier featuring the most unglamorous teams imaginable – we’re holding out for Hapoel Kiryat Shmona vs BATE Borisov – which we’re expecting to get this channel’s lowest ever audience.
21.00 Britain Then and Now
Mind you, this line-up isn’t much better. Turn Back Time on BBC1 just the other week invited streets to live like they did in the past, and ITV have seemingly decided just to rip it off completely by hosting a Jubilee street party – just the two and a half months too late – and compare it to what it would have been like in 1953. Which we probably know thanks to various identical programmes.
20.00 Paralympic Games Opening Ceremony
First things first, it’s not called the Para-Olympics! It doesn’t have an O in it! C4 take up residence at the Olympic Stadium for the next two weeks, and while it’s not non-stop with various points where it moves over to More4, which at least gives that channel a point, it’s certainly getting more coverage than it ever has before. That said, it’s unfair to say the Beeb couldn’t previously be arsed as we’re one of the few countries who actually give it extensive coverage at all – NBC famously show next to nothing – and so there hasn’t been the facilities to actually film everything. The Olympic closing ceremony actually got more ratings than the opening ceremony so clearly we were absolutely smitten with them, and this is highly likely to be the most watched Paralympics event possibly in the entire world.
22.00 John Barrowman’s Dallas
Five’s promotional department have certainly got their arse in gear with the new series of Dallas which even got on the BBC News the other day. And they’ve sent Barrowman off to report from behind the scenes, which he could do thanks to there being no series of Tonight’s The Night, which he was quick to point out was because BBC1 had “no room” for it with the Olympics. The same BBC1 that’s being showing Indiana Jones films on Saturday night for several weeks, natch.
19.30, 02.50 Top of the Pops
Last week’s was the only episode that started in that rather unusual fashion, though at least John Miles got a very prominent slot, as that track has certainly grown on us during its chart run, even if John’s miming hasn’t improved. Noel’s in charge here and over the next few weeks we’ll enjoy seeing Legs and Co think of umpteen different ways to dance to I Feel Love, a slog that only ended when they hard to start thinking of umpteen different ways to dance to Way Down instead. Sort out the repeat slot!
21.00 Jet! When Britain Ruled The Skies
Oh, there’s two of these, this time concentrating on the sixties and the start of the British airline industry, which ended up with a million different airlines with terrible names you never knew existed until they went bust. But there’s more interesting stuff before we get there.
Thursday 30th August
22.20 Modern Times
Tomorrow is the fifteenth anniversary of a website that isn’t a million miles away from here, and which Charlie Brooker looked at a few times. But something had to die for it to exist, and it was quite a big death as well (we weren’t driving the Uno, by the way, just in case you thought we were implying that). Certainly one of the strangest weeks in British history, this documentary from Christmas of that year looks at the ad hoc shrine that turned up in Kensington Gardens.
17.45 Blue Peter
Last week’s show ended up with Olympic Gold medallist Jade Jones (with a great North Wales accent which you don’t hear on telly very much) and Jacqueline Wilson both sat on the sofa answering questions from viewers on the phone. If you’d got them reviewing a few pop videos as well it would have been like Saturday SuperStore all over again and that’s exactly what we want to see. This week, Damien Hirst is on, though we don’t think you can phone him up.
BBC Radio 2
22.00 Brian Johnson’s Rockers and Rollers
Oh, do stop it, Aggers… oh, no, it’s Johnson, not Johnston. And here’s the AC/DC frontman with the platters that matter, playing and talking about his kind of rock in the first of this new series.
Friday 31st August
It was a bit depressing when you realised that Warren Cuccorillo had been in Duran Duran longer than some of the Taylors, and like The Rolling Stones we’d rather they’d split up a while ago, but someone’s answering questions on them tonight, while someone else is discussing, brilliantly, the shipping forecast.
21.30 Paul Simon’s Graceland – Under African Skies
23.00 Paul Simon Live at Webster Hall, New York
00.00 BBC1 Sessions
BBC4′s regular dadrock night is full of repeats again, but they’re all classy enough, the middle concert coming from last year and the last show from about 2006 we think.
That’s it for this week, and next week in the past would have been the start of the new season, but with the Beeb being Olympics-crazy and everyone else getting out of the way of the Olympics, we’ve had a huge splurge of new shows in mid-August which doesn’t seem right. So if you’re not disappointed we won’t be able to give you a New Season Special next week but just the same old same old, subscribe here