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FROM MARCH 2015, subsequent back issues can be viewed here.

10 responses to “CREAMGUIDE”

  1. Doug Devaney says:

    So, it’s a comment you want is it? Personally, my favourite parts of any Carry On film (or indeed anything hailing from nearby Bray studios) are trying to identify the bits shot in my home town of Maidenhead. The exteriors for the hospital in Carry On Doctor are in fact our civic pride and joy, Maidenhead Town Hall, just around the corner from the Courts the furnishers which doubled as the store Sid and Bernard got their equipment from in Carry On Camping.

    Strange town Maidenhead: full of the really quite famous but in a dull way. You’d often spot Ernie Wise wandering through the streets muttering to himself (we weren’t sure if he was keeping people at bay or missing Eric), and at one point I nearly threw a tin of paint over Rolf Harris’s car as he was parking up outside the local Tesco Home and Wear (ah! Saturday jobs among the stars).

    Mind you, spotting Wogan at my confirmation aside, it was a shithole and – I believe – remains one to this day. But a great shit hole for name-dropping.

  2. Extremelycreamy says:

    Around these parts you don’t get much change for spotting local landmarks, you used to be able to go spotting Bognor in Esmonde and Larbey’s big miss “Hope It Rains”, and sometimes Chichester turns up, but that’s about it. You used to be able to see Ronnie Barker walking along Littlehampton seafront in the ’70s. A close friend of mine even ran him over once in a pedal car, to which Mr Barker asked him “do you have a license for that?”. He says the he replied, “No!” and pedaled off.

  3. Extremelycreamy says:

    yeah, I meant chance, not change DOH

  4. Hairyinsides says:

    Actually, Maidenhead’s my old home town and I’ve since laid down roots in Brighton, which – let’s face it – is a great big slut of a town that barely needs an excuse to lift its skirts in public.

    That said, and speaking of inadequate replies to comedy greats, I did manage to inadvertantly insult Spike Milligan at a signing session down here a number of years back. I couldn’t afford the book “It Ends With A Miracle”, the story of his parents, so I provided him with one of the promo postcards to sign. I explained I couldn’t afford the hardback and he agreed, slagging off the pricing system and getting close to sounding like Eccles as he did so. Joy of Joys!

    Then I opened my mouth to put a size nine in it: “Must be about a quid an anecdote,” I said, thinking I was being oh so clever. Suddenly the mood darkened quite noticeably. “An anecdoyte? An anecdote?” he stammered and started searching about for the faithful Norma. At this point, I – in the words of the News Of the World – made my excuses and left.

    Only without the excuses.

    The thing is I’d rehearsed that line in my head while queueing.This wasn’t spontaneous stupidity, I’d actually prepared to be a dick to one of my idols. Hey ho!

  5. Hairyinsides says:

    Just to avoid confusion – I am also Doug Devaney. Don’t know how that happened.

  6. Never has so many people seen the glory of the Solent, as they did for the raising of the Mary Rose…. Babcock Power Company!

  7. Steve says:

    stop moaning

  8. Dan McDaid says:

    Hello! I’m the chap who emailed about my primary school adapting the theme from Howard’s Way to make it more “God-y”. Lyrics ran thus: “Always there… God’s love is always there… No sea can ever divide… The love we share…”

    And you get the idea with that.

    We also had a bespoke* Eastenders/hymnal thing. The opening refrain was accompanied by the lyric “Glory be to God on high…” Can’t remember the rest, though.

    *Hmm, not as bespoke as I thought:

  9. Gavin says:

    Who would you prefer on a Friday night Wossy or Parky? In the words of Harry Hill: There’s only one way to find out: FIGHTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

  10. Mark Wright says:

    Sat 9th August – Pointless BBC1 – “Ruth Madoc and Su Pollard are back together”

    RM: (to SP) “I’m sorry but are you going to be doing all the Hi-De-Hi stuff?”
    SP: “Well I was plannin’ to, yeah”
    RM: “Well I was going to say ‘Hi-De-Hi’ myself, y’know, you shouldn’t really have booked two people from the same programme”

    Does anyone else remember Angela Rippon’s sterling graveyard-shift turns for the “itv News” channel during the early weeks of the Iraq war? What a trouper – she mastered all the weird pronunciations and everything. I was duty-bound at the time to monitor Sky/News 24/ITV News for the first few days (stamina permitting) gathering (stealing) copy and audio for my ILR then-employer. I can recall with fondness, drained from the intense round-the-clock barrage of live location actuality powering Sky/News 24, the relief offered by “itv News”, their night-time coverage amounting to either a seated Rippon or “Hairpiece?” Suchet, caught in the Autocue headlights, shimmering in front of a 1970’s style News at 5:45 CSO backdrop.


    Blimey – here’s an unrepresentative five-second snapshot of Rippon in Gulf action. It’s all I can find, which is way more than expected!

    (7:13 in…)

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