The great thing about pre-digital telly was that a) if it broke down, you got a bloke in to fix it, taking off the back and filling the front room with that sweet smell of burnt dust, and b) it provided a selection of knobs and little twisty things that needed a screwdriver at the back which dad could reach round and fiddle about with when it went tits-up and pretend he knew what the hell he was doing. Hence the horizontal and vertical hold buttons, which might stop the picture bouncing up and down like Su Pollard after she’s just secured a gig as the shark in a Maplin’s poolside comedy spectacular. Then again, they might not, in which case, time to scratch the head, exhale noisily through the teeth, and get on the blower to Radio Rentals. Nowadays all that oddly satisfying pseudo-technical dalliance is denied us. You can’t even thump a flat screen convincingly.
Subscribe to Creamguide
Points of View
- In 'Jay, Ricky', Applemask says: "Actually a really, really good magician and historian of magic and grifting. Also quite a handy actor, and delivered the opening narration to..."
- In 'Big D Nut Displays', Applemask says: "Albeit an advent calendar celebrating the birth of tits rather than Christ."
- In 'Energy Saving Campaigns', Applemask says: "David Waddington the forgotten Home Secretary?"
- In 'National Garages ', Applemask says: "Father Abraham was an opportunist who never really had anything to do with the Smurfs beyond employing them to make him money."
- In 'Wimpy Bars', Applemask says: "You’re right, that is hilarious."