CLUE 20
“I knew he liked to get plastered, but this is ridiculous!”
A simple clue today.
The next grid reference of the square to cross off your Puzzle Trail map is the postcode for the London borough in which Des O’Connor was born.
The square you need to cross off your Puzzle Trail map today has been inspired by the news that All Creatures Great and Small is coming back, albeit in the form of a prequel to the original, and in a location as far removed from the Yorkshire Dales as it is symbolically possible to be: the slums of Glasgow.
To counter this madness, let’s pause for a moment to recall the original incarnation of “Creatures”, as its new production team have undoubtedly dubbed it.
A dog on a cushion, a cow in a cattle grid, a car driving through puddles, everyone listening to Churchill on the wireless… Yes, none of these were as ubiquitous as memory suggests, your actual episodes being basically full of yokel talk and gynaecology. But oh, that countryside was ever so nice to look at.
CLUE 19
To get the grid reference you need to cross off the map, take the first letter of the surname of Christopher Timothy’s character, and couple that with the number of different actresses who played his wife.
The square you need to cross off your Puzzle Trail map today involves a bit of semantic chicanery, courtesy of the late and limescented Frank Muir:
CLUE 18
“Dear reader, let me share with you a short lesson I learned when in the employ of dear old Auntie BBC.
I once got into a terrible stew when arranging to meet with my dear friend Joan Bakewell for a spot of lunch.
I arrived early at the restaurant – the 300 Spartans on Shepherd’s Bush Green – and informed the head waiter that my dining companion was on her way.
“Oh?” he sniffed. “Where from?”
“BBC Television Centre,” I replied.
“How could they have done, she’s not here yet,” said the waiter.
“I’m sorry?” I responded, a little perplexed. “I know she’s not here yet, that’s what I told you.”
“So where is she?”
“BBC Television Centre.”
“No they haven’t!”
Thus our conversation continued rather circuitously. Finally I realised the source of the misunderstanding. Or perhaps in the head waiter’s case, the sauce of the misunderstanding, for he was clearly three sheets to the wind.
I vowed to choose my words a little more carefully in future.
And as such I warn you on your puzzle trail that, quite simply, you should steer well clear of the centre.
Or rather, the CENTRE.
Good night and god bless.”
CLUE 17
The square you need to cross off your Puzzle Trail map today is, quite simply, this:
To be precise, it’s the model number of the vehicle pictured above.
To be even more precise, it’s not the most famous model of its kind, but, well, the one before the most famous of its kind.
A fairly straightforward clue, this.
No whistles, bells, flashy graphics, energetic cutaways or post-industrial studio sets.
Just Normski, Janet and the grid reference of the next square you’ll need to cross off your Puzzle Trail map.
CLUE 16
The square to get rid of today shares its name with the second half of the “youth” “strand” Janet rustled up for Monday and Wednesday evenings on BBC2 in the late 80s and early 90s, and which featured, among others, her beau of the time, Norman “Extreme Celebrity Detox” Anderson.
We’re almost halfway through our special summer competition. Time certainly seems to be stealing away, and in the spirit of undignified light-fingering it is perhaps fitting that the person who is to present today’s clue is none other than alleged gag larcenist Keith Chegwin.
Now the last time the news headlines were obsessed with jokes being nicked was back when Bob Monkhouse’s joke books were stolen, a gross act that resonates in another fashion with these recent tales about Cheggers, seeing as how Keith used to pinch apples from Bob’s garden. 1957 was when we think this took place, though it might have been a bit later – two minutes to eight, perhaps.
Anyway enough of that, for here with the grid reference of the next square you’ll need to cross off your Puzzle Trail map is Saturday Superstore Delivery Boy Cheggers.
CLUE 15
Or rather, his likeness, for we fear that even a vague representation of Keith being funny might be purloined by the man himself and passed off as original humour.
And if there’s one thing you’ll never find on TV Cream, it’s that. Vague representations, we mean.
Instead, take a look at this photo, displaying a vague representation of an episode of Cheggers Plays Pop.
Identify the year in which this was broadcast, then add up the individual digits of that year. You should get a two digit answer.
Combine the first digit of your answer with the first letter of the item Keith used to present on The Big Breakfast, and you’ve got today’s grid reference.
The grid reference of the next square you’ll need to cross off your Puzzle Trail map comes courtesy of a man who knows a bit or two about deception as mainstream entertainment. Oh, and delivering apocalyptically bad news.
CLUE 14
“Hello, Mike Aspel here.
“I’ve just broken off from announcing the end of the world to take a look through more of your letters and requests.
“Seems like a few of you are wondering if I can be of any help in the great TV Cream Puzzle Trail.
“Well, I can. You see, I know all about television. I’ve been on it, in front of it, behind it, on top of it, goodness, even between it. And I can tell you this Puzzle Trail has nothing to do with it. That’s right, this Puzzle Trail has nothing to do with television. TELEVISION. Got that?
Great! Goodbye – and good luck!”
The next square you’ll need to cross off your Puzzle Trail map is a record-breaking one.
CLUE 13
The treasure isn’t hidden in the square in which Roy Castle and a small girl exchanged pleasantries while doing a bit of toe-tapping, before joining what seemed at the time like a million other clog-sporting clientele to perform the world’s largest tap dance.
For the grid reference of the next square you’ll need to cross off your Puzzle Trail map, it’s necessary to reunite – in riddle form – the two people whose last collaboration resulted in the first, and possibly the best, of the Blue Peter theme reboots.
Step forward Michael Oldfield and Simon Groom, together again if not in the flesh then in the form of, well, a letter and a number. Cue the drum roll, Simes!
CLUE 12
To get today’s grid reference, take the first letter of the village that is the location of Simon Groom’s farm, and couple that with the number of albums (of original material) Mike Oldfield has released under the title Tubular Bells.
TV Cream is in the middle of its biggest competition yet: a puzzle trail set in Television Centre to find a mysterious valuable object.
Each day a new clue will be posted on the site that reveals the grid reference of a square in which the treasure is not hidden.
As the days go by you’ll be able to cross off squares on our special map until there are just two left – at which point the final clue will be revealed, and you’ll be in with a chance of winning a slew of prizes, including a complete set of TV Cream tie-in books.
Rather than offer up a brand new Puzzle Trail clue today, instead we’re pausing for breath and recapping all that we’ve learned so far, so you can check to see you’ve crossed off all the right squares.
On day 1 we met Howard Stableford, who revealed the treasure was not in the square that contained the fire escape.
On day 2 Simon Bates told us the treasure was not in the square that shared its grid reference with the name of a single by the Pet Shop Boys.
Des Lynam provided us with the clue on day 3, disclosing that the treasure was not in the square whose grid reference shares its name with a prestigious sporting event that used to be on the BBC, was televised for a few years by ITV, but is now back on the Beeb.
On day 4 Little and Large explained the treasure was not in the square just to the left of the ornate sculpture in the middle of Television Centre’s circular courtyard.
An entry from the diary of Kenneth Williams supplied us with the clue on day 5, revealing that the treasure was not in the square just to the left of the stairwell by the doors at the far end of the first floor of TV Centre.
On day 6 we learned that the treasure was not to be found in the square that shares its grid reference with the first half of the postcode belonging to the London borough of the Big Breakfast house.
Day 7 presented us with the most complex clue so far. The treasure was not in the square that shared a grid reference with the episode in the second series of A Bit of Fry and Laurie that featured a guest appearance from Paul Eddington. For example, if it appeared in the first show of the second series (which it didn’t), the square we’d cross off the map would be A2 (A= first episode, 2 = second series).
The clue for day 8 was rather more straightforward: the treasure was not in the square that had a clock in it.
On day 9 we discovered the treasure was not in the square whose grid reference could be found by taking the first letter of the surname of Bruce Forsyth’s female assistant during his return stint on the Generation Game, and coupling that with the number of times Brucie has left ITV to work for the BBC.
To get the grid reference for day 10’s square, we had to take the first letter of the only show Lenny Henry has done that has an exclamation mark in the title, and add that to the number of the chart position reached by the Style Council album for which Lenny contributed spoken word vocals.
Finally, on day 11 the clue took the form of a sound clip. The name of the band performing the song in question was also the grid reference we had to cross off the map.
It’s not too late to start playing along. You can download and print off your own TV Cream Puzzle Trail map, either as a jpg or pdf. And keep visiting the site every day for more clues.
Happy puzzling!
There’s an aural clue to the identity of today’s Puzzle Trail square. Though it’s one that does not, sadly, involve a guitar-wielding Derek Griffiths*.
Rather, the name of the band performing the particularly fine pop song that you can hear in the sound clip below is also the grid reference you need to cross off your map. Simple as that.
CLUE 11
Read clue 1 and download your own TV Cream Puzzle Trail map
*Still, it’s a nice photograph, isn’t it?
The hook for today’s Puzzle Trail square is the only person who’s successfully appeared on both Comic Relief and Newsnight*.
It’s Lenworth Henry: erstwhile funnyman and the first black person Middle England ever saw on television; now just a man. Who does a bit of Shakespeare.
He’s broken off from munching on a entr’acte snack to supply us with the tenth of our Puzzle Trail clues:
CLUE 10
To get the grid reference of the square you should cross off the map, take the first letter of the only show Lenny’s done that has an exclamation mark in the title, and add that to the number of the chart position reached by the Style Council album for which Lenny contributed spoken word vocals.
Read clue 1 and download your own TV Cream Puzzle Trail map
*By walking from one studio to the other during a live broadcast.
The hook for today’s Puzzle Trail square is the man who’s crossed more channels than P&O.
Having ably demonstrated in that Channel 4 documentary on Wednesday that he’s still fully compos mentis (unlike the rest of Channel 4, which is full of compost mentis), we turn to Brucie for the ninth of our Puzzle Trail clues.
CLUE 9
To get today’s grid reference, take the first letter of the surname of Brucie’s female assistant during his return stint on the Generation Game, then couple that with the number of times Brucie has left ITV to work for the BBC. And once you’ve done that, we’ll see you in the bar for a drink afterwards.
Initially, the person set to reveal today’s grid reference of a square on our map in which the TV Cream Puzzle Trail treasure is not hidden had a few reservations.
Or, in his own words, “attacks of fright in plenty did I have”.
He eventually agreed to present the clue as long as he could spend the preceding night in a tent on a deserted Yorkshire hillside with six girls as “bodyguards”.
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the man who taught himself advanced physics down a mine and who invented the discotheque, Sir Jim’ll Savile:
CLUE 8
“So for me, life gets funnier, stranger, faster, fitter, more flash and just more than ever before. People tell me they wouldn’t like to be in my shoes. By this I am mystified but grateful as my present shoes are a sight more comfortable than my pit boots.
“I was once asked, quite illegally, if I would like to drive a full-size, main-line passenger train, and the driver, lulled by my obvious instant expertise, fell fast asleep in the other seat. The Duchess was totally disbelieving of the whole thing.
“A notice for volunteers in the paper brought well over a hundred young lady applicants. Great and monumental times we have had, the ladies and I. Girls have trimmed and trained me up to Olympics standards. My introduction to the sex act was, looking back, a masterpiece of ignorance and excruciating frustration for my unfortunate partner.
“Anyway, the treasure is not in the square what has the clock in.
“That’s about it folks. We can all do good things on our own, but great things when we enjoy Good Company Of. So, God be with you all. P.S. I hope He really does take it easy on sinners! P.P.S. As it ‘appens!”
A bit like the way Paul Merton always said the same joyless lines to introduce every single edition of Room 101, once again we feel compelled to remind you that TV Cream is in the middle of running its biggest competition yet: a puzzle trail set in Television Centre to find a mysterious valuable object.
Each day a new clue will be posted on the site that reveals the grid reference of a square on our map in which the treasure is not hidden. As the days go by you’ll be able to cross off squares until there are just two left – at which point the final clue will be revealed, and you’ll be in with a chance of winning a slew of prizes, including a complete set of TV Cream tie-in books.
Today’s clue is something of an enormous boon – and we’re always on the look out for enormous boons:
CLUE 7
Here is a shot from a sketch in the second series of A Bit of Fry and Laurie.
Assuming the four series of A Bit of Fry and Laurie are numbered 1, 2, 3 and 4, and the episodes labelled A, B, C and so on in order of transmission, today’s square has the grid reference that matches the episode in which the sketch featured in this photo was broadcast.
For example, if it appeared in the first show of the second series (which it doesn’t), the square you’d cross off the map would be A2 (A = first episode, 2 = second series).
Clue to the clue: it’s from the episode that has “a Paul Eddington in it”.
Now you’ll have to forgive us but we must dash - our wife’s just been towed away.
As you’ve hopefully gathered by now, TV Cream is in the middle of running its biggest competition yet: a puzzle trail set in Television Centre to find a mysterious valuable object.
Each day a new clue will be posted on the site that reveals the grid reference of a square on our map in which the treasure is not hidden. As the days go by you’ll be able to cross off squares until there are just two left – at which point the final clue will be revealed, and you’ll be in with a chance of winning a slew of prizes, including a complete set of TV Cream tie-in books.
Today’s clue is pretty straightforward:
CLUE 6
Ben the Boffin popped into TV Cream Towers earlier today (he’s developing a computer game for us based on Larry Grayson’s Generation Game).
While he was here he let slip the treasure is not to be found in the square that shares its grid reference with first half of the postcode belonging to the London borough of the Big Breakfast house.
And that’s it.
For the next few weeks TV Cream is running its biggest competition yet: a puzzle trail set in Television Centre to find a mysterious valuable object.
Each day a new clue will be posted on the site that reveals the grid reference of a square on our map in which the treasure is not hidden. As the days go by you’ll be able to cross off squares until there are just two left – at which point the final clue will be revealed, and you’ll be in with a chance of winning a slew of prizes, including a complete set of TV Cream tie-in books.
Today’s clue is in the form of an entry from the diary of Kenneth Williams – an entry, moreover, that has remained unpublished until now, and contains details of an unusually relevant offer of work that Kenny, not unusually, was only too happy to turn down:
CLUE 5
Wednesday, 12 November 1980
Dreared around the flat for a couple of hours. Moment’s panic when I thought I saw your actual spider in the bath, but turned out to be a button off me trousers. O the humiliation! Caught the tube to Television Centre for meeting with the head of Children’s Programmes, a chap in his early 40s who looked disapproving when I did the palare. Shame – he was a nice looking piece. Offered me the most unlikely engagement: the host of a children’s treasure hunt, to be transmitted every afternoon for four weeks in the new year, with me playing all of the parts! Turned him down straightaway. The thought of climbing in and out of costumes at my age – it just shouldn’t be done. Struck, as ever, by all the leeches that live off the British television industry – not that it is an industry, not anymore. But then – a stroke of luck – I bumped into the delightful Roy Castle, by the doors at the end of the first floor, just before the stairwell. I do like Roy. Explained the reason for my visit. “Who’d want to do a treasure hunt round here?” he exclaimed. “Quite,” I agreed. “They’re more used to burying stuff in this place, not digging things up!”
For the next few weeks TV Cream is running its biggest competition yet: a puzzle trail set in Television Centre to find a mysterious valuable object.
Each day a new clue will be posted on the site that reveals the grid reference of a square on our map in which the treasure is not hidden. As the days go by you’ll be able to cross off squares until there are just two left – at which point the final clue will be revealed, and you’ll be in with a chance of winning a slew of prizes, including a complete set of TV Cream tie-in books.
Today’s clue is presented by a double act who popped into TVC Towers earlier today, albeit through completely different entrances and in the presence of completely different attorneys.
CLUE 4
- Hello, this is Eddie!
- Hello, this is Syd!
- And we’re here to furnish you with today’s Puzzle Trail clue.
- That’s right.
- Because we’ve got all the answers, haven’t we Syd?
- Well, only one of them, Eddie…
- [interrupting] Talking of answers, here’s a tip for any husbands out there. Remember, sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. YES is the answer!
- Come on Eddie, don’t lower the tone…
- That’s not lowering the tone Syd, if you want to know about lowering the tone, I just read that Ronnie Corbett’s had his pocket picked. Now that’s what I call stooping low!
- I’m sorry ladies and gentlemen, we…
- [interrupting] They named a holiday after my sex life.
- Oh really.
- Yes. It’s called Passover!
- Ladies and gentlemen, today’s clue is quite simple.
- [interrupting] Courtesy of a man who’s quite simple!
- It is this. In the opening titles of our Saturday night BBC1 show, animated versions of Eddie and I would be seen parachuting into Television Centre…
- [interrupting] No expense spared!
- …landing in the middle of the circular courtyard, just to the left of that giant ornate receptacle.
- [interrupting] Or Bill Cotton’s sherry glass, as I prefer to call it.
- The treasure is not in that square.
- And good luck, all of you!
- Now Eddie, what about that offer of a four-week reunion run in Seaton Carew this September?
- Syd, if you’ve got to work for an idiot, you might as well work for yourself. B-bye!
- Goodbye everyone!
For the next few weeks TV Cream is running its biggest competition yet: a puzzle trail set in Television Centre to find a mysterious valuable object.
Each day a new clue will be posted on the site that reveals the grid reference of a square on our map in which the treasure is not hidden. As the days go by you’ll be able to cross off squares until there are just two left – at which point the final clue will be revealed, and you’ll be in with a chance of winning a slew of prizes, including a complete set of TV Cream tie-in books.
Today’s clue is of a sporting bent, so who better to deliver it than Desmond Lynam, photographed exclusively for TV Cream earlier today.
CLUE 3
“Hello. So you’ve heard there’s a puzzle trail on?
“Well, let me tell you, I don’t know where the treasure is, but I do know it’s not to be found in the square the shares its name with a very prestigious sporting event – one, moreover, that used to be on the BBC year in year out, then went over to the other side, but is now safely back where it belongs.
“Unlike yours truly, but hey, what’s another year?”
For the next few weeks TV Cream is running its biggest competition yet: a puzzle trail set in Television Centre to find a mysterious valuable object.
Each day a new clue will be posted on the site that reveals the grid reference of a square in which the treasure is not hidden. As the days go by you’ll be able to cross off squares until there are just two left – at which point the final clue will be revealed, and you’ll be in with a chance of winning a slew of prizes, including a complete set of TV Cream tie-in books.
Today’s clue comes courtesy of one-time putative controller of Radio 1, BBC Video, the BBC Singers and Annointed Wireless Liaison with Her Majesty The Queen, Simon Bates:
CLUE 2
“Hello loves! I’ve just been on the blower to my old mates Neil and Chris of the Pet Shop Boys. And listen, I can tell you this: the treasure is not in the square that shares its name with a Pets’ single! Now don’t say I never do anything for you, loves!”