X is for…

Xerxes

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1989 on C4

UNPRONOUNCEABLE IMPORT sneaked out on Thursday evenings as part of otherwise half-arsed early C4 yoof initiative. Ended up cult-ish viewing mostly down to impenetrable storylines, only partly rendered intelligible by slipshot on-screen subtitles. Six half-hour episodes traced the fortunes of eponymous Scandinavian teenager (BENNY HAAG), a sex-obsessed white Rastafarian desperately trying to get his end away and striking daft bets with friends Tony (JOAKIM BORJLIND) and Pekka (KALLE WESTERDAHL) over who’ll be first to retrieve manufacturing tag from a pair of girl’s knickers. Ace catchy theme tune. Ended with Xerxes’ step-family telling him his real father had just croaked, who’d actually been in Sweden all along and not living in the West Indies like they’d told him, then Xerxes passing his driving test which meant he could now legally drive the car given to him by a deceased co-worker, and finally bedding girl of dreams after numerous failed attempts (including persuading mates to inform girl he needed to have sex in order to clear his mind before taking aforementioned test).

TV CREAM SAYS: SEX AND DEATH BETWEEN THE MUNSTERS AND CHANNEL FOUR NEWS

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XYZ

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1993 to 1994 on BBC1

Lame alphabet-oriented word effort with GEORGE MARSHALL. Contestants had to bandy around long perspex strips with letters on them, for no real reason. Lamentable catchphrasery (“Letters play!”). Produced by Jonathan Ross’ ever-loving Channel X.

TV CREAM SAYS: "ABC-ING YOU!"

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